Heart of the Matter
by BuildingAnEmpire
Summary: After being gone for three years, Maura returns to her life. AU. Maura's POV
1. Betrayal

**Disclaimer:** The characters, characterizations, and basic premise do not belong to me. I am not using them for profit. The only thing I do own is James and a law degree.

**A/N:** I know the first chapter is short and sounds like it is going to a bad place, but trust me. Also, I might be looking for a beta. I've never used one before and I haven't been able to get a good feel for the ones listed here. I'm not looking for someone to harp on spelling or grammar (unless it's obvious). I have a weird writing style that I'd like to think works for me. But since this is my first R&I's fic, I would like someone to help with characterization and to help bounce ideas off of down the road. If you think that's you, I would love to hear from you!

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><p>The look on the brunette's face said it all. It was everything she had wanted to see, three years ago. Today, standing in the same place she had last left the greatest person she'd ever known, Maura Isles felt a rush of emotions so foreign to her that she had to place a hand over her chest to make sure the tachycardia she felt was real. She could feel liquid pool in her tear ducts as the gravity of the situation crashed down on her. Maura blinked, vision blurring temporarily before the tears spilled over onto her cheeks. She found herself unable to move, unable to will her $1000 shoes to walk across the floor she remembered all too well. In her head she was chastising herself. How many times had she had the same conversation? Over and over in her head she had prepared herself for this moment, told herself that an emotional outburst would not be permitted. But here, in this space, in this place she once called home, Maura's brain failed her. And then it was happening; long, lean legs quickly covered the space between them and thin, strong arms grabbed Maura, circling her waist, crushing her against the muscular body. Maura gasped, allowing her own arms to snake around the thin brunette, fighting to remove any space between them. She could feel the once soothing, gentle hands erratically roaming over her back, her neck, her arms, before finding rest in her now dark auburn hair. Maura let out a soft sob, burying her face in the crook of the soft neck she hadn't allowed herself to miss. She listened to the brunette's heart, beats matching her own, as if they had simultaneously run a race that was now coming to an end. Maura closed her eyes, clinging tighter to the soft black blazer, wishing she could somehow be closer, relishing in the brunette's warmth, her own body instinctively remembering.<p>

And suddenly it was all over, cool air hit Maura as the brunette pulled back, untangling her hands from her hair. She un-balled her fists, allowing the blazer's material to slip from her grasp, she teetered uneasily on her heels as she moved away. She could feel hands, holding onto her arms, steadying her, and as she looked up into watery, questioning chocolate brown eyes, Maura felt apprehensive.

"Maura?" The brunette breathed her name, still close enough for Maura to smell coffee and mint on her breath.

"Jane." The name came out of Maura's mouth awkwardly; not having allowed herself to say it for the past three years.

She reached up with her left hand, wiping at the tears cascading down her face. And then she saw it, in Jane's face, all over Jane's face. She felt the strong hands drop from her arms, finding herself swaying at the sudden lack of contact. Maura looked down at her hands and remembered, for the first time since she'd step foot back in the precinct, her other life. The diamond glinted in the light that danced off its features and Maura felt her whole world crashing down. The raw, nagging feeling in her abdominal cavity became almost unbearable. She looked into Jane's eyes, once showing love, adoration, comfort, trust and affection, now only showed one thing: _betrayal_.


	2. Home

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything except the idea and James. No infringement intended and I am not using these characters for profit.

**A/N:** First, thank you for the reviews, I read and cherish and consider each and every one of them. Second, I know this chapter does VERY little to clear anything up, and I'm sorry, that's just the way it will be for a while. I don't like reading fics that rush to conclude everything so quickly that you miss important steps and it becomes unrealistic, so I would never, ever do that in my own writings. Also, I realize that Maura (or Jane) with someone else is entirely unfathomable for some people, but it is canon and I try to respect that, at least a little. Hang in there, I hope you will find it was worth it in the end!

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><p>"I..." She started. Uncharacteristically, Maura was at a loss for words. She fidgeted.<p>

"Doc?" His voice travelled through the hallway, causing Maura to whip her head around.

His 1000-watt smile beamed as she turned to face him, giving him the answer he needed. She held out her arms as he closed the gap, lifting her off the floor in a rib-crushing hug. She smiled in spite of herself, in spite of the situation, in spite of the disaster that she knew was coming. The arms she had around his neck let go as he placed her back on the floor, still grinning from ear to ear.

"Barry." She breathed his name, flustered and out of breath.

"Wow. I can't believe..." He rubbed the top of his head, taking in her appearance. "I'd know those shoes anywhere though." He pointed down at her gold Jimmy Choo platforms.

Maura laughed. "Well, yes, I wouldn't be me without those."

"No, you certainly wouldn't." It was the first time she'd spoken since she'd said Maura's name and Maura wasn't even sure it was meant for either of them to hear. Jane's voice sounded foreign, distant, not entirely her own.

Maura shook her head, her smile turning confused as she looked at Jane. _Well, of course, who would I be if I wasn't me? Oh, right..._ Her own thoughts trailed as she tried to decipher Jane's.

Barry's eyes flicked toward Jane and then back to Maura. "Well, uh, I gotta go run a few names." He started off toward his desk and then turned back. "You back for good Doc?"

Maura tore her eyes away from Jane and smiled at Barry and nodded, unable to trust herself to speak for fear of another emotional outburst. She waved as Barry smiled at her once again before turning around and disappearing into the squad room.

The hallway was becoming more crowded now that it was time for shift changes and early morning briefings. Maura became self-conscious and nervous, unsure of what to do or what to say. A blush rose to her cheeks as she thought of something not socially awkward to say, finding it hard and unmanageable, even in front of someone she had once shared everything with.

"I really need to get to work." Maura could feel Jane pulling away.

"Look, I..." Maura started, biting her lip. "I really think we should talk."

Jane whirled around. "Do you?"

Her voice was unkind and unwavering, Maura flinched, willing her eyes not to shed any more tears. "I..." Maura stopped, knowing she'd never be able to finish the sentence without crying anyway.

Jane sighed, never able to handle Maura crying. "Fine, you can come over tonight, after 7." Her eyes flicked again to Maura's left hand, where the ring sat. "Or can you?"

Maura flipped the rock around with her thumb, somewhat embarrassed to be wearing it around Jane. She glared at her once best friend. "I do what I want."

"That's apparent." Jane didn't give Maura time to say anything back as she turned and stalked off the same way Barry had left a few minutes ago, though obviously less excited than her partner had been.

Maura looked after her, angrily wiping at the tearstains on her face, before turning and heading toward the elevators. The ride down was slow and quiet and Maura twisted the ring on her finger, non-existent butterflies dancing in her stomach in anticipation. She could hear Jane yelling at her in her head about it being "just an expression." Maura pursed her lips and shook her head. Expression or not, it didn't even make any sense. The elevator "dinged" and she stepped out into the hallway, the coldness hitting her immediately, her skin responding by producing cutis anserina. _Goose bumps, Maura_. She silently scolded herself, unnecessarily, since there was no need for her to pretend to be _normal_ anymore. Maura took a deep breath before entering her former, now current, place of employment. The smell hit her immediately, and she was a bit taken aback. The smell, her former, dare she say, comfort, was foreign to her and rather unnerving, if she had to say. She rubbed her arms and continued into the morgue, glancing around at everything. She allowed herself a small smile when she noticed that everything looked as though she had never left. Her hands danced along the edges of the stainless steel autopsy table, the cold felt good on her fingertips. Maura found herself standing in the middle of the room, hands clasped in front of her, smiling as she surveyed the room with her eyes. The only word that was able to come to her now was _home_.

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><p>"Hey James." Maura answered her phone, glancing around the room, though knowing no one would be there and still unsure as to why she felt like answering her phone was an undercover operation.<p>

"Hey babe." His soft, sure voice answered back.

"What are you doing?" Even asking, she could see him in her mind, probably in the kitchen, looking into the fridge, unsure as to what he should be cooking for dinner.

She could hear him chuckle. "Trying to figure out what to do for dinner. What do you think?"

Maura smiled. "Well, you should decide since I've..." She desperately wanted to tell him the truth, but something held her back. She'd gotten better at lying in the sense that she didn't nearly faint every time she did it, considering telling the truth was not an option in her life for the past three years. "Got a lot of work still to do, so I won't be home until late." _Okay, not a total lie_.

She could hear the fridge door shut. "No problem. What time do you think you'll be home?"

_Home_. Maura looked around her office and sighed. "I'm really just not sure. It's been a long day and I'm still trying to find my way around again. I have so much to catch up on." In reality, she was simply sitting at her desk, waiting for the clock to hit 6:45 so that she could grab her things and be at Jane's by five after 7. It was taking all her willpower just to sit there so she could abide by Jane's "after 7" instructions. _Maybe if I left now I could waste time by getting some wine to bring. No, that would be presumptuous._

"Maur?" His voice was louder than before and startled Maura out of her thoughts.

"Hmm?" She was embarrassed that he caught her not paying attention.

His laugh filled the phone. "It's ok. I know you're busy. Just, call when you leave? So I can turn off the alarm."

Maura nodded, if only to herself. "I'm sorry, I will call when I leave."

"Okay. I love you." His voice was soft, and sweet and, if she was honest with herself, not at all the voice she wanted to hear say that.

"You too." Was really all she could muster before ending the call and putting her phone into her purse.

She looked at the clock on her wall. 6:47 p.m. _Good_. Maura stood and gathered her things before turning off the light. She felt sick.


	3. Professing

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine ('Cept James, though, I don't know if I want to claim him). No infringement intended. Not being used for profit.

**A/N:** Thank-you so much for the reviews and alerts and favorites. They mean a lot to me. I write for myself but your feedback helps motivate me to upload each chapter. I'm so happy you are liking this so far! This still explains nothing, sorry! But it is a little smutty, so I offer that as a reward for hanging in there! Also, I have no idea how old they are so I took creative liberties and made Maura 35.

**Rating:** Possibly M. I would not call this M and from other M-rated fics I have seen on this site, most others would not either. However, just to be safe, if you're under 18, just skip this.

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><p>Maura looked down at her shoes, picked out this morning to match the ornate gold pattern in her cardigan, and smoothed the front of her skirt. Her palms were clammy, worse than her first date at the age of 15 with the 17-year-old kid from down the street. She sighed at the memory; her social awkwardness had always gotten the best of her, and 20 years later, tonight would probably be no different. She was constantly amazed that someone had wanted to be and actually chose to be her best friend. She swallowed the lump in her throat and hoped against all hope that Jane still felt that way about her, no matter how much time had passed or the different paths their lives had suddenly taken.<p>

She had been standing outside of the brunette's apartment door for some time now, willing herself to have the courage to just knock, telling herself that the odds were practically 50/50 in a situation which there were two options and no empirical data to determine odds. Maura looked down at her trembling hands, just another thing that was becoming increasingly typical for her since she had arrived in Boston. She looked at the beautiful diamond that decorated her finger, thoughts swarming, unable to remove it but not wanting to leave it either. Maura bit her lip and settled for turning the ring around, enabling the stone to fit in the juncture between her palm and her finger. She brushed her hair back one last time and allowed her hands to smooth the front her clothes again, hoping for a lack of wrinkles, before raising a hand to firmly knock on the door.

The door opened seconds later, as if Jane had been standing on the other side of the door, waiting, and Maura released the breath she had been holding. She felt the detective's eyes move from her feet, up her body, to meet her own, before breaking contact and stepping aside. Without a word, Maura entered the apartment, immediately acknowledging the differences between now and the last time she had seen it. As she closed and locked the door behind her, her heart hurt. _Psychological, Maura_. She told herself and fought back unwelcome tears upon realizing that the once familiar apartment now didn't even smell the same to her.

Jane had moved into the kitchen area, a beer in hand, and Maura watched as she poured her favorite wine into the empty wine glass on the counter. Maura felt hopeful, for the first time since their encounter at the station house, and crossed the space, heels clicking on the wood floor. She reached out her hand once she made it to the island, taking the wine glass that was offered, and allowed herself to savor the dry taste a moment, closing her eyes. When she opened them again, chocolate brown eyes bore into her own, seemingly down to her soul. _Ridiculously impossible_. Maura swallowed hard, not allowing herself to break eye contact, though the feelings involved were almost too much for her to bare.

"I never wanted to leave. I didn't have a choice." Maura's voice was hardly above a whisper, but she willed herself to speak, to be the first to admit her feelings.

"I know." If her hearing hadn't been impeccable, Maura never would have heard it.

"I'm so sorry." Maura's voice wavered and she set the wine glass on the counter, unable to hold it any longer.

Jane shook her head and Maura felt herself cringing. "I knew, I knew you weren't..." Maura was glad she didn't finish.

She nodded, she could feel her heart beating within its cavity. "I didn't know... I didn't know I could ever come back." She offered. "They told me I couldn't."

Maura was at a loss for words, unsure of what else to say, but desperately wanting everything to go back to the way it used to be. She knew it couldn't, not with time, not with everything that had changed, but she was resolved to cling to the unrealistic dream for as long as she could.

She watched as Jane bit her lip, knowing the brunette had so much to say but unsure how or in what order to say it. Finally she sighed, "I just... missed you."

The emotion was so raw that Maura couldn't help the soft sob that unexpectedly came from her throat. Before she knew it she found herself maneuvering around the island that separated the two, before grabbing a hold of Jane's layered tank tops. She pulled Jane toward her, burying her face in the brunette's unruly, soft curls, wrapping her arms around her slender torso. For the second time that day, Maura breathed in the familiar scent of her best friend and felt Jane's long, slender fingers run through her hair. They stood that way, in the kitchen, holding onto each other, for what felt like hours but realistically had probably only been ten minutes, before Maura loosened her grip on the detective.

She allowed herself to look up into the soft, brown eyes, that had once offered comfort to her in her times of need and rolled with exasperation at her Google-mouth, and sometimes, she had noticed, looked at her with adoration and love. Just the way they were now. "I missed you too." Maura whispered softly in the space between them.

Maura was suddenly unsure of what had come over her. Even later, upon reflection, she couldn't determine with any kind of surety whether it had been her heart's memory of the life she had before, or the wine, of which she only had a sip, or the raw emotion of it all. Maura's hand had found the back of Jane's neck, her fingers curling into the soft hair they found there, and pulled Jane down to Maura's awaiting lips. At impact, Maura's body felt warm, instantly causing goose bumps to rise on her arms. Sure, she had kissed Jane before, in her previous life, usually after a bet from the guys at the Dirty Robber, and after a long night of drinking too much wine, and the time they had gotten caught up in the moment of a New Year's celebration. But this was different, Maura felt it.

A sinking feeling suddenly snuck into Maura's abdomen. She pulled back, unsure if Jane would want this. Her answer came with Jane's whine in protest, her eyes still closed. Maura allowed herself to smile as she stood on the tips of her toes to reach Jane's lips again, taking Jane's bottom lip into her own and sucking. Jane growled and Maura felt herself being pushed up against the hard kitchen island. She allowed her hands to roam, running up and down Jane's sides before settling against Jane's warm skin where her shirt had risen inches above her jeans. Jane's tongue pushed through her lips and she accepted it, her heart knowing how long she had waited to feel this. The kissing became frenzied and she could feel Jane's hands moving up and under her own cardigan, up to her ribs and back down, and she shivered at the feeling. It was Jane who broke the kiss this time, continuing down to kiss Maura's chin before moving to her exposed neck. Maura gasped at the contact, threading her fingers into Jane's hair and holding her there as the detective nipped and sucked at her pulse.

Maura could feel herself being moved, lifted, her skirt bunching around her upper thighs, her shoes falling onto the cool wooden floor as her legs dangled from her new place on the counter. She groaned as Jane ran her hands up her toned thighs and pulled hard at Jane's hair, tilting her head to kiss her mouth again, eliciting a low, deep growl in response. It was the next sound that Maura didn't want to hear, one that was not welcome in their fantasy world. In the tangle and fury of limbs, the beer bottle Jane had been drinking from went crashing to the ground, causing both women to jump at the sound of smashing glass. Eyes darted around, piecing together the situation and the circumstances. Jane jumped backward, smashing into the refrigerator.

Maura couldn't help but let her hurt show at Jane's actions. She pushed herself off the counter, trying to will herself the strength to look up, and smoothed her skirt back down.

"Maur, I'm sorry." Jane was apologizing before Maura could gather the courage to look at her.

She shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. I don't..." _Am I sorry?_

"No, look..." Jane ran a hand through her disheveled hair before stepping toward Maura. "You have..." Jane gestured toward Maura's hand, toward the concealed diamond. "I crossed a line."

Maura fidgeted. _James._ She hadn't even thought about him. "No, Jane, I'm the one who crossed a line. I'm sorry." She shook her head and looked down at the broken bottle, beer pooling underneath it.

Jane followed her gaze. They bent down, simultaneously, intent on cleaning up the mess, and laughed as their knees collided.

"Look..." Jane started softly after a minute. "Let's just...we can chalk it up to missing each other."

Maura nodded, but could see it, in Jane's eyes, that it wasn't the whole truth. She could feel it too, and it suddenly unnerved her. But she helped Jane clean up the mess without another word before slipping her shoes back on and moving toward the door. Jane followed, closely behind.

"I just..." Maura turned around, found tears welling up, blurring her vision. "Please understand that I was told I could never come back. I was..."

"I know." Jane interrupted. "Besides, if I never told you how I felt, how were you to know?" Maura started to answer but Jane continued. "You wouldn't. Don't beat yourself up. You're still my best friend." She offered Maura a wink and a smile.

Maura smiled back, wiping the overflowing tears away. "You're mine too."

Maura glanced back at Jane again as she stepped through the open doorway, waiting for her to change her mind, to call her back in. But she didn't and Maura finally tore her eyes away and walked toward the elevator, listening for the click of the closed door before pulling out her cell phone. She dialed the now familiar number and listened while it rang.

"Hello?" His voice was laden with sleep and she was instantly sorry to have woken him.

"James?" Maura cleared her throat. "I'm on my way..." She trailed off. It didn't feel like home. She couldn't call it home.

"Okay, see you soon." She hung up before he could say I love you. Before she could hear his tone that asked her to profess her love in return. These days she was less sure, less certain. When she met him she didn't have Jane, wasn't allowed to even remember Jane, so the profession came easier. Now, with the memory of Jane so fresh in her mind, her will to profess her love wasn't there at all.


	4. Familiarity

**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters or the story/show from which they come. I am not using them for profit.

**A/N:** Thank-you all so much for the reviews, you are amazing. I am happy you are liking the story so far. Please continue to let me know what you think! Also, I took some creative liberties here when discussing how to move a dead body. Google apparently doesn't know either. Either that or I don't know what words to use to get me to a helpful result and I decided to give up for fear that the local police would start knocking on my door asking why I need to know how to move a dead body. Anyway, if anyone knows, I'd love to hear all about it. No, seriously. Now I'm intrigued.

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><p>The next morning Maura smiled as she self-tied the blue gown behind her back. She couldn't tell herself any more that she didn't miss this. In the three years she had been gone she wasn't allowed to do autopsies, or practice medicine, or even call herself a doctor. Maura shook her head and fingered the autopsy tools precisely laid out on the rolling shelf. She sighed at the familiar feeling and twisted her dark auburn hair up, clipping it in the back. Maura frowned. <em>I really need to go to the salon<em>. She missed her honey blonde hair and being back here somehow made her unable to cope with the various changes she was forced to endure the last few years. She got halfway across the cold room toward the body freezers before she realized she wasn't alone.

"Good morning." Maura couldn't help but smile despite herself, knowing who it would be. At least, hoping who it would be.

"Morning." Jane smirked and moved away from the doorframe where she had stopped to watch moments before.

Maura, still not bothering to turn around, grabbed her clipboard and continued on to the freezers. She could feel Jane following, though her boots barely made a noise on the cold tile floor. Glancing at her chart and then to the numbered doors, Maura opened the one she needed and pulled the drawer out. When she looked back up, Jane had followed her and stopped on the other side, the dead man filling the space between them.

She looked back down to the man. "Help me move him."

At the lack of response Maura looked back up, raising an eyebrow at Jane who was clearly on the verge of laughing. She put her clipboard down and grabbed the board to slide under him.

"You're serious?" She watched Jane's eyes practically bulge out of her head and her smile fade.

"I'm sorry, did you think I was joking?" Maura shook her head, trying to remember if she had used her joking tone or her serious one.

"Seriously?" Jane rolled her eyes. "I thought you had assistants for this."

Maura looked around the morgue and autopsy room. "I don't see any." Her hazel eyes pierced into Jane's brown ones. "Do you?"

Jane didn't even bother looking but threw her hands down like a child having a tantrum. "Come on Maur!"

It was Maura's turn to roll her eyes, though secretly she missed Jane's fiery side. "I need your help, Jane."

Jane groaned and folded her arms. "Fine."

"Gloves." Maura pointed toward the box of gloves hanging on the wall near Jane.

She watched Jane stomp over to the box and pull gloves out before tugging them on and stomping back over to Maura and the body. "What do you want me to do?"

Maura smiled and motioned toward the body. "I need you to roll him on his side while I put this board under him so we can move him to the autopsy table." Then, upon Jane's hesitation, "Put one hand on his arm and the other on his thigh to roll him."

Jane rolled her eyes for a second time. "I know that." She visibly let out the air she must have been holding and then grabbed the man, pulling him toward her, up onto his side while Maura stabilized his neck.

Maura picked the board up and pushed it under him before nodding to Jane who gently let the man roll back onto the board. "I need you to..."

Before she finished Jane was already moving to help reposition the man so he wouldn't fall off the board when they carried him over. Maura smiled at the familiarity with which they worked. She didn't need to give Jane instructions. Her eyes welled up at how easily they fell back into their same routine and she shook her head before clearing her throat. She didn't even need to tell Jane how to lift in order to keep the man on the board long enough to get him to the table. Nor did she have to explain the proper procedure for 'unloading' him onto the autopsy table. Though Maura did laugh at Jane's grand gesture of ripping off her gloves and taking a bow when they were finished. It was this side of Jane that she missed the most.

"Hey..." Maura put her autopsy glasses on and looked at Jane.

Jane grinned at her. "Yep?"

"Would you like to get a drink tonight?" Maura tried to sound casual but she wasn't exactly sure of the correct social procedure for something like this. Showing up, three years later, engaged, but in love with the woman standing in front of her. No, there certainly wasn't a procedure for this one. "On me?" She added upon reflection.

Jane wagged her eyebrows at Maura and winked, clearly taking her offer to mean more than Maura meant it to. "Sure."

"Pick you up at 6?" Maura ignored the suggestion, mostly because she couldn't figure out exactly what she had said that would have prompted the eyebrow wag and wink. But she couldn't help the dimple-showing grin that spread across her features.

Jane nodded and then, as an afterthought, "What are you driving these days?"

Maura pursed her lips. "A Lexus."

Jane spun around and pumped her fist in the air before leaving the doctor alone to her autopsy. Maura shook her head. She wasn't sure if after last night they would still be able to compliment each other the way they used to. Now she had her answer.

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><p>Maura brought the wine glass up to her lips and sipped, enjoying the feeling of the wine, cascading down her throat, and the other feeling of Jane's eyes on her from across the table. She put the glass down and looked at Jane who was leaning comfortably against the wall on her side of the booth. Maura allowed herself to remember the time they were in this familiar position, talking about men who enjoyed handcuffs. She blushed at the memory, not fully letting herself think of all the reasons why Jane and handcuffs caused such a biological reaction.<p>

"Maur?" When Maura looked into Jane's eyes she could tell the light conversation from seconds ago had dissipated and was now being replaced by something more serious.

"Yes?" She knew this conversation was going to happen sooner or later, she had just hoped that they wouldn't have it at all, that things would have picked up exactly where she had left them. And they did...almost.

She could see Jane was still trying to form the right question. "What was it like?"

Maura wasn't sure how to answer this. She wasn't sure exactly what Jane was trying to ask. "Horrible." She gave it her best shot.

"But..." Jane trailed off, her eyes resting on the band of the diamond Maura had once again flipped around.

Maura shook her head, memories of the last three years brought to the surface, pulled forward from her long-term memory into the foreground. "I wish it could be easy. I wish I had a simple answer for you. It was horrible, Jane. For two years, I waited for them to tell me the threat was over. For them to say I needed to come back to testify. Or to show up at my door to tell me..." She trailed off, then started again. "I was so scared. But I especially hated not knowing if you were okay. I was so alone, Jane."

Jane nodded, seeming to understand, but when she looked up, the hurt was still there. "Do you love him?"

Maura swallowed, hard. _Did she?_ "I thought so." She shrugged. That was the simplest answer she could give. That wasn't a lie.

Jane reached across the table, linking the tips of their fingers together. "Do you love me?"

"Yes." That answer required absolutely no thought whatsoever.

"What do we do?" Jane's voice was soft, almost a whisper.

Maura looked down at their hands, tears coming, pricking her eyes. "I don't know." At least she was honest. And in this familiar place, with those old familiar feelings, not quite holding the hand of the woman she had only hoped to see again in her dreams, Maura felt broken.

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><p><em>In the end, I decide that the mark we've left on each other is the color and shape of love. That's the unfinished business between us. Because love, love is never finished. It circles and circles, the memories out of order and not always complete. <em>_**Sara Zarr**__ (Sweethearts)_


	5. Smoldering

**Disclaimer**: Do not own anything. If I did, would I really be here writing about it? No. I'm also not using them for profit. Otherwise, I would be rich and probably wouldn't be here either. Though, on second thought, maybe I would.

**A/N:** You are all so great and your reviews are lovely. So here's another chapter to show my appreciation. Reviews make me edit and post faster, promise! Also, the beginning of this chapter is probably a little more than T rated. If that makes you uncomfortable, or if you are sensitive, please skip it. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

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><p>"Korsak asked me to come get the autopsy report for the John Doe from Friday." The husky voice filled the room.<p>

Maura heard Jane before she saw her. Her back was to her office door while she was flipping through her filing cabinet for the exact report Jane was now asking for. She pulled the file from the cabinet and spun around. Jane was already two feet away from her and still quickly approaching. She suddenly felt nervous, being here, around Jane, alone, with all their unresolved feelings. Maura cleared her throat and fumbled with the file in her hands.

"Is that it?" Jane motioned toward the file in her hands.

"Mmhmm." Maura nodded in confirmation, flicking her eyes from the file up to Jane's face.

Jane's eyes bore into her own. She was standing so close she could smell Jane's coconut shampoo. The familiar scent stirred up something inside of her and when Jane reached out for the file, Maura backed up so quickly that her back hit the filing cabinet, slamming the open drawer shut.

Jane smirked. "Something wrong?" Clearly Maura's admission last night had empowered her.

Maura shook her head and bit her lip, swallowing hard. She could feel her face getting hot and her hands starting to sweat. She tried to control her breathing. Jane stepped even closer, effectively pinning Maura between the cabinet and herself. Maura's legs felt like Jell-O. She watched Jane licked her bottom lip and 'flustered' became an understatement. _If she would _just _kiss me_. But she just stood there, staring into Maura's eyes, as if daring _her_ to make the first move. She let her eyes roam; over Jane's nose, lips, down her throat, her chest, down to her belt buckle then back up to meet her eyes again. Jane stepped even closer, crunching the file between them, placing her hands on the file cabinet behind Maura's head. She leaned in and Maura held her breath.

"What's wrong?" Jane breathed into her ear, sending shivers down Maura's spine.

Maura's brain went into overdrive. _Tell her._ _Tell her what?_ She wasn't sure exactly what to say. Should she tell her that she couldn't bear to be around her without getting nervous and jittery? She should say that the only thing Maura's once constantly analyzing brain could think of was kissing her? Should she tell her that this wasn't right? That she was engaged and had uprooted her fiancé's life just so she could go back to her own? Should she tell her why she decided to come back instead of staying there and continuing the lie she had kept for three years? Should she ask Jane why she was doing this to her? Why she was getting under her skin, deep into her soul? But, overwhelmingly, all she could think of right now was how she could smell the soft hint of the soap Jane used and the hot puffs of air near her ear. No, those questions could wait.

"You." Maura whispered, all coherent, intelligent, and logical thought stripped from her brain. "I want."

She could hear Jane huskily chuckle into her ear then felt her place a kiss just behind her ear. "No."

Jane pulled back and plucked the file from between Maura's sweaty hands before turning on her heel. Maura's brain reeled. _Did she just say no?_ Her heart pounded. Her eyes flew open at the loss of contact. She watched Jane sashay across her office toward the door.

"Lunch?" Jane turned her head, glancing back at Maura, a smirk still present.

Maura didn't dare open her mouth to speak. Jane chuckled as she walked out of Maura's office, file in hand. She threw her head back and groaned, feeling pain immediately as it connected with the steel filing cabinet. _Damnit_.

* * *

><p>"No you did not!" Maura gasped, laughing at Jane's story about chasing a suspect through an inflatable obstacle course.<p>

"I did...I did! I swear!" Jane replied through fits of laughter, tears had formed in her eyes.

They had decided to eat lunch at the all-natural bistro down the street Maura had missed so much while she was gone. They were sitting outside at a small round table, choosing to sit next to instead of across from each other. She glanced over at Jane and watched her happily take a bite of her pesto chicken sandwich and a sip of her lemonade. Maura smiled, her heart finally felt full again. Maura stabbed her fork into her salad.

"Maura?" The voice came out of nowhere and Maura whipped her head up so fast she was afraid of whiplash.

Maura felt her throat constricting. _Am I having an allergic reaction to this salad? Is that even possible?_ _You mean probable, Maura_. She scolded herself and stole a glance at Jane, then averted her eyes to the intruder.

"Hey." She forced herself to smile.

"Hey babe." The look on his face was one of confusion and surprise.

Maura really hated when he called her 'babe.' She could feel Jane's eyes boring into her.

"James, hey." Maura smiled, unsure of what else to do. He looked back and forth, between her and Jane; finally she realized. "Oh! Sorry, Jane, this is James. James, this is Detective Jane Rizzoli."

She watched as Jane gave him a tight-lipped smile, probably all she could muster at the moment. James, on the other hand, none the wiser, extended his arm toward Jane, offering his hand. Maura could tell Jane was reluctant, but finally took his hand, shaking it, her face emotionless.

"Sorry to interrupt, I thought I would come by and surprise you by taking you to lunch..." James started, running a hand through his neatly trimmed brown hair. "But I see you're already taken care of."

"She sure is." Jane piped up, clearly not missing the opportunity to undermine him.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Maura offered, choosing to ignore Jane's comment. "You could..." She glanced at Jane, knowing she would hate what she said next. "Join us?"

She could tell James was thinking. Jane slipped her hand under the table and grabbed Maura's thigh. Maura bit her lip in an effort to keep her surprise in check. Truthfully she hoped James would decline.

"No, look, it's okay. You two enjoy your lunch." He leaned down toward Maura, who turned her head slightly so he ended up kissing her cheek instead. She would never feel comfortable kissing someone else in front of Jane. "See you at home?"

Maura nodded at him. "See you tonight."

James smiled at Maura, then Jane. "Nice to finally meet you Jane."

"You too." Jane's voice was too sing-songy to be genuine.

They sat in silence and watched as he waved and walked off down the street. Maura took another bite of her salad as Jane snorted.

"What?" Maura looked up at Jane who she could tell was trying not to laugh.

"He calls you babe?" Jane leaned back in her chair, clearly on the verge of laughing. "Like the pig?"

Maura's forehead wrinkled. "What pig?"

Jane glanced at her. "Seriously Maur? You need to get out more."

"What?" Maura felt herself getting offended.

"It's a movie." Maura felt Jane squeeze her thigh before removing her hand and putting it back in her own lap. "We'll watch it sometime."

"I don't like it." Then, upon Jane's questioning glance, "That he calls me babe."

"Then tell him Maura." She didn't think Jane could understand so she simply nodded in response. "How long have you been playing house with him?" Maura shot her a confused look. "Living together, Maur." Jane rolled her eyes.

"Oh, only since I moved back here." Maura took a sip of her water. "The federal government doesn't pay if you leave protection and it was such short notice that he wasn't able to find a place. We agreed he would just move in with me."

"And how's that going?" Jane smirked, knowing Maura.

Maura pursed her lips. "It's...hard."

"I'm sure." Jane murmured.

She felt Jane's hand snaking back onto her thigh and she looked over to the detective. Jane's hand moved up under the grey skirt Maura had decided to wear this morning. Maura took another sip of her water. She could feel Jane's fingers inches from where she wanted them. A blush rose on Maura's chest, creeping up her throat. Jane's nails dug into her skin and Maura gasped. Jane smirked and let her fingers run back down, digging into the flesh, before removing her hand completely. Maura groaned at the pain and pleasure it caused. That would definitely leave a mark. She looked up; Jane's eyes were smoldering.


	6. Implications

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. Not using for profit. Just playing with them.

**A/N:** Wow, I feel lucky. Thank you all so much for the reviews. I honestly appreciate them, every one of them. I tried to get this out last night but I really needed more time to edit and look it over. Plus I might have drank a half a bottle of wine last night so my editing wouldn't have been amazing anyway, so I hope this is okay!

**Warning:** This chapter is definitely **rated M **for language and sexual situations. If you are not comfortable with this or choose not to read it, you can either skip this chapter entirely or read only until the page break. Thanks!

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><p>Maura played with the keys in her hand as she made her way up the walk to her house. She paused at the purple Geraniums, running a finger along its soft, beautiful petals. <em>Geranium cinereum<em>. She smiled, just another thing she didn't realize she missed until she came back. When she reached the door she pushed the key in and turned before opening the door and sliding inside the house.

"Hey babe is that you?" The voice came from somewhere in the kitchen almost as soon as she stepped foot inside. Maura rolled her eyes. _Who else would it be?_

"It's me." She hung her coat on the hanger and put her purse down then made her way across the floor into the kitchen to see what he was doing. It was still weird, to come home and have someone there. And if Maura were honest with herself, every day she came home she expected to see Jane there, not James. In fact, Jane hadn't even been to her house since she'd gotten home.

There was a glass of wine sitting out for her on the counter and she smiled; just what she needed. He really was very thoughtful. She glanced at him and gave him a broad smile in thanks. He came around the island and stood on front of her. Maura took a sip, savoring the flavor, before putting the glass back down onto the counter.

"How was your day?" Maura asked politely, knowing it was expected.

"Long. Super busy." James smiled at her and leaned down, capturing her lips in a kiss before she could turn her head away.

After the initial shock, Maura closed her eyes, willing herself to feel what she felt when Jane kissed her. She tried to remember the days when she enjoyed kissing him. When she delighted in having him around her. When she liked having sex with him. But now, something in her felt like she was cheating on Jane. Maura pulled back, placing her hands on his chest.

"Do you like that movie about pigs?" Even _she_ knew this was an inappropriate moment to bring it up but she couldn't help herself.

The look on his face, Maura knew, was one of confusion. "Huh?"

Maura shook her head. She knew she hadn't asked it correctly. "Nevermind." She could tell he was going to press the matter if she didn't keep talking. "Can we watch a movie?"

"About pigs?" She watched him run his hand through his hair. Something, she learned, that he did when he was nervous or confused. Maura frowned. He probably had done this since he was a child and would likely suffer from premature baldness if he didn't stop the habit.

"No." She averted her eyes and grabbed her wine glass from the counter. "How about that movie you were talking about last week?"

She could feel him following behind her as she turned and made her way to the couch.

"Which one?" He continued toward the DVD display case when she sat down.

"Pepper?" She honestly and uncharacteristically could not remember anything he said since she'd been back.

He laughed, loudly. Maura felt a blush rise in her cheeks and an anger building inside. "Do you mean Salt?"

"Whatever." She clicked her tongue. She didn't like when he made fun of her. At first it didn't bother her; everyone made fun of her, corrected her, looked at her like she was crazy. But now, it was starting to really make her angry. She had too many things, too many thoughts, too many emotions, dancing around in her head to deal with embarrassment.

She watched him put the DVD in and then sit next to her on the couch. He grabbed the remote and got the movie started before placing his hand on her thigh. Maura winced; it still hurt.

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><p>Maura climbed out of bed and glanced down at James, who was fast asleep and snoring. Before Jane, the snoring didn't bother her. <em>Jane<em>. Maura grabbed her phone and padded out of the room, closing the door behind her. She maneuvered her way in the dark to the spare bedroom and climbed into the bed, pulling the covers around her. She could tell the sheets hadn't been changed since the last time Jane was there. Or maybe she was just willing herself to think that she could smell Jane on the sheets. Or maybe Jane had been here since she'd been gone. Her heart stirred. Maura glanced at the clock before hitting the speed dial number associated with her best friend. She allowed herself to relax as she listened to the phone ring.

"Maura?" She could hear Jane's panic. "Are you okay?"

She smiled into the phone. "I'm fine, Jane."

"Then why are you calling at 1 a.m.?" Her panic dissipating and quickly moving to confusion.

"12:50, Jane." Maura pushed herself further down the bed, laying her head on a pillow. She could tell Jane was rolling her eyes at the correction. "And I know you weren't asleep."

"Oh yeah?" Jane's reply was husky.

"Yes." Even the seemingly mundane conversation they were having seemed exciting to Maura.

"And what was I doing if I wasn't asleep?" She could tell Jane was testing her.

"Thinking about me." Maura took the bait. She couldn't stop herself.

"Really?" Jane breathed into the phone. "What was I thinking about?"

Maura blushed. She knew what she wanted to say but also knew that she didn't say such things. Her thoughts swam with possible alternatives, synonyms. _None_. "Fucking me."

The growl in response clearly came from somewhere deep in Jane. "Shit, Maur."

Maura let her embarrassment at her crassness fade. She could tell it was having an effect on Jane. After a moment of silence she allowed herself to speak again. "Well?"

Jane was breathing heavily into the phone and Maura could tell she was having a hard time remembering her words. "Maybe I was."

"Maybe?" Maura knew the answer already.

"I was." Whether it was true or not was not the point right now. Maura's brain was working double-time, trying to figure out what to say next. She'd never done this before.

"Touch yourself." Heat rose to Maura's cheeks at the suggestion, the implication. "Please."

"God, Maur, _where_ is this coming from?" Maura could tell by Jane's voice that the question was simply rhetorical so she stayed silent, listening for sounds of compliance on the other end.

She heard Jane gasp and smiled to herself. She shifted in the bed, more turned on than she'd ever been before. "How were you doing it?"

"From behind." The reply was instant and caused a pang of pleasure down deep in Maura.

The groan escaped her throat without warning. Maura shifted again, the heat and arousal almost too much. "Hard?" The question was barely a whisper. Her chest was flushed and it seemed as though she was having trouble breathing.

She could hear Jane moan. "And rough."

Maura closed her eyes, picturing the moment. She trailed a hand down her flat stomach to the waistband of her silk pajama bottoms. It was too much and she needed a release. Jane's sighs and groans of pleasure on the other end seemed to set her whole body on fire.

"Maura?" Her eyes snapped open. That was _not_ Jane's voice. Maura scrambled into a sitting position.

"Jane. I have to go. I'm so sorry." She whispered, hurriedly, into the phone.

Jane whimpered. "Fuck."

"I'm sorry." Maura whispered back, feeling horrible.

"We're finishing this tomorrow." Jane's voice growled before the line went dead.

That simple sentence nearly caused Maura to unravel. She bit her lip to stifle the moan that came at the mere implication of Jane's words.

"Where are you?" His voice sounded again. She could tell he was in the hallway.

Maura ran her hand through her hair and smoothed her pajamas back into placed before pulling the covers back up around her and sliding down to place her head on the pillow. As long as he kept the light off everything would be okay. He wouldn't be able to tell that her pupils had dilated or that her skin had a faint, pink rash from her chest to her cheeks. She could hear him run into the table against the wall and curse.

"In here." Though she really didn't want him to know where she was. She wanted to be left alone, to be back on the phone with Jane, past the point of no return. She wanted to be satisfied right now, half asleep and happy. Maura heard the door click and saw him enter the room, the light from the moon bouncing off his white sleep shirt.

"What are you doing?" His voice confused, still laden with sleep.

"I uh," Maura's brain tried to find the right answer, the answer that was less of a lie. "I couldn't sleep." _There, that wasn't a lie._

He let her answer hang in the air for a minute, still standing by the door, before replying. "Was it my snoring?"

"Yes." Her voice cracked. It wasn't the whole truth. But she couldn't explain the whole truth. She couldn't explain that she'd been up, thinking about her "best-friend-and-nothing-more" Jane. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that she _was_ something more, something Maura always wanted her to be, but never was, until now, until Maura was engaged and shouldn't be having these feelings or thinking this way. It was hard enough explaining to herself that she was, in fact, technically, at least according to most people, cheating on James, her fiancé, the man who moved across the entire country to stay with her. She still couldn't come to terms with the fact that even though James was her fiancé, it felt like she was cheating on Jane, every time she came home to him instead. _When did your life become so confusing and convoluted?_

"I'm sorry." She could tell he genuinely was. "I'll figure something out so you can sleep in our bed."

_Our bed_. "It's okay." Maura wanted to cry.

"Goodnight." He went to close the door. "Love you."

She didn't respond and he closed the door behind him, shutting it softly.

Maura turned on her side, letting a tear slip and fall onto the pillow below. She wished that she wasn't so smart, wasn't able to analyze so completely, wasn't able to understand the implications of her coming back. She didn't want to be able to use logical reasoning to deduce where this whole thing was heading. She didn't want to know that there were two possible outcomes, neither of which could offer comfort, or solace, or complete happiness to everyone involved. She wanted to be ignorant, to the whole thing. She wanted to go back to not being able to comprehend the social implications and complications of situations. She wanted to turn back time and reassure herself that ignorance _is_ bliss, it happens in nature all of the time. But she couldn't, she never would be able to again.

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><p><em>Aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway.<em> – **Mary Kay Ash**


	7. Puppeteer

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters or the basic Rizzoli and Isles premise. I DO however, own the case idea. If you steal it, I will cut off your fingers. Like the mob. Probably. I'm also not using any of this for profit.

**A/N:** Thank you for the lovely reviews, as always! You guys make my day! And I know that you were hoping for a continuation of the last chapter but I'm sorry! I needed this chapter as a filler because honestly, did you really expect me _not_ to include them solving at least _one_ case in here? I hope not =) I hope you enjoy this, please let me know by clicking that little review button down at the bottom. I value what you say and, although I've already written most of this story, I _do_ take into account what you say in your reviews, promise! Plus, if nothing else, it makes me update this faster. =)

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><p>Maura shot awake, eyes wide-open, heart thumping. The sound was deafening, She looked around, blinking to get her bearings. Her cell phone was blaring Beethoven's <em>Fur Elise<em> from its position on the arm of the couch next to where her head had been. She grabbed it and cleared her throat, trying to wipe away the sound of sleep from her voice before answering. Maura clicked the send button without checking who it was.

"Hello?" She looked around. A half-finished glass of red wine sat perched on the coffee table in front of her. As she moved to sit up fully to listen, the book she had been reading fell from her lap to the floor. Maura rubbed her eyes and picked up the book, placing it on the table. She glanced at the clock, 3 a.m.

"There's a body." Jane's voice sounded through the phone.

She was alert now, already standing and making her way toward the kitchen, the half-finished wine glass in hand. "Where?"

Maura listened as she rinsed the wine glass out and set it back down in the sink. She'd deal with it later. She walked down the hall and into her bedroom before entering her closet and shuffling through the rows of hanging clothes. "The corner of Tremont and Winter."

She grabbed the first work appropriate dress she came to, pulling it off the hanger. She knew the drive would take her about 15 minutes to get there. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

Maura walked toward the bathroom with the dress. When Jane didn't say anything or hang up Maura stopped. "What is it Jane?"

She could hear Jane's sigh. "It's bad. Really bad."

Maura's gut twisted. She always hated the really bad ones. "How bad?"

"I..." She heard the hesitation in Jane's voice. "Just hurry."

Maura frowned at the phone when she heard the click, signaling Jane had hung up. She placed her phone on the dresser and continued to the bathroom. She looked in the mirror. Her makeup was smudged, her eyes bloodshot, and her hair a mess. Maura frowned and grabbed her brush, pulling it through the long locks, trying to tame them back into place. When she was done she stripped herself of the yoga pants and silk top she had put on earlier before pulling the dress on. Before leaving the bathroom she fixed her makeup and folded her clothes, placing the latter on top of the laundry hamper.

When Maura went to put her black stiletto heals on she smiled. She missed this. Even though she knew interrupted sleep was bad for cognition, she couldn't help but relish in the normalcy of it all, despite how tragic it was to get phone calls about dead bodies. Maura made her way into the kitchen, grabbing a pen and piece of paper. She knew if she didn't leave James a note he'd be calling her, asking her where she was, when he got off work and she wasn't there. She scribbled a note to him, letting him know she'd gotten a call and not to disturb her and that she'd see him later, when she could. Maura looked in the mirror by the door, making sure she looked decent, before grabbing her purse and locking the door behind her.

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><p>If Maura was being really honest with herself, her first instinct upon seeing the scene was to throw up. Never, in the 10 years she'd been doing this, had she seen anything so horrendous, so abhorrent, so vile. She clutched her bag tighter, willing herself to remember why she'd gotten into this line of work in the first place. She stood in the middle of the room watching, staring at the corpse moving by an elaborate series of ropes and pulleys that had been affixed to his limbs. He looked like a puppet.<p>

She could feel Jane come up and stand beside her. "We need your brain."

Maura nodded and moved toward the body. "Well, this looks like an elaborate rope and pulley system. How it works is..."

Jane cut her off. "Not that. The noise, the music. What is that?"

Maura realized for the first time that there was a faint music playing in the background. She looked around, then to Jane. "Where is that coming from?"

"Over here..." Jane lightly grabbed her elbow, leading her to a closet at the far end of the room. "In there." Jane pointed.

Maura followed her arm with her eyes and then stepped forward, needing to be closer to hear. She listened for a moment, realization dawning on her, then turned back toward Jane. "Tête, épaules, genoux et pieds..."

"English Maur." Jane cut her off. She looked at Jane, immediately hurt by the harsh tone. Jane's eyes were instantly apologetic.

Maura shrugged it off, knowing Jane didn't mean it. "The direct translation would be head, shoulders, knees and feet. Though, I believe, in English, the song would be "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."

She turned back toward the music box and flipped the off switch. The song, once thought of as funny and entertaining, was getting on her nerves. Maura turned back around, intent on making her way back to the dancing dead man, and was stopped by Jane placing her hand again on her elbow.

"One more thing." Jane led her to another room. This one, aside from being completely empty, was littered with what looked like hundreds of pages of paper.

Maura bent down to read one. "Act 3, Scene, a room in Halvdan Rejn's house." She paused, reading more to herself. "Oh! _The Editor_!" She looked up at Jane who was looking down at her with raised eyebrows. "It's actually a very lovely drama about..."

"Maura." Jane cut her off again. She dropped the page back onto the floor. "You can tell me about it later. Right now, I really need you to tell me what that," Jane pointed to the wall, "means."

Maura looked over to the wall Jane was pointing at. Painted on the wall in blood, or red paint or ketchup, she really wasn't going to make such an assumption, were the words 'le monde entier est un théâtre'. Maura stood, trying not to disturb the other pages beneath her. "Translated, it says all the world's a stage."

"Shakespeare?" Maura couldn't tell if it was a question or a statement so she simply nodded in response.

Jane glanced at her before turning around and exiting the room. Maura looked back at the wall, then down to the hundreds of pages of plays littering the floor. Clearly someone was angry. She walked back into the main room and watched the man, still moving without the music, and sighed. It was going to be a long night.

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><p><em>All the world's a stage<br>__And all the men and women merely players;  
><em>_They have their exits and their entrances,  
><em>_And one man in his time plays many parts,  
><em>_His acts being seven ages._ – **William Shakespeare** (As You Like It)


	8. Realization

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the case. And I'm not using this for profit.

**A/N:** I can't say it enough, you all are amazing. Thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming, I love to know what you think about it!

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><p>Maura sighed, her breath trembling, as she looked down at the man on her table. She'd seen a lot over the years. She'd seen babies, children, old men, young women, all sorts of murders, accidental deaths, suicides. But nothing, nothing like this. She put her hand on the man's arm, careful not to touch the place where the hooks had pierced through his skin and bones and tendons and clothes. Maura closed her eyes. Trying to convey to his soul, wherever it was now, that she would find out what happened, that he wouldn't have to worry. <em>Don't be ridiculous. Souls don't worry, Maura<em>. She shook her head and opened her eyes, pulling the tray of instruments to her and picking up the silver shears to begin to cut his clothes from his body for processing.

If she had to guess, which she wouldn't, she would say that the man on her table was somewhere between 80 and 90 years old. Though, Maura noticed, now having the chance to really look at him, there was something off. She frowned. He simply looked _asleep_. Not dead enough. Not decomposed enough. _Is he wearing make-up?_ Maura rolled her eyes at herself. _Get a hold of yourself_. Maura put her shears down and began unbuttoning the man's shirt. She paused in horror as she came to the bottom of an incision. Maura sped up her efforts, unbuttoning faster as her eyes travelled up his abdomen, to his chest, pushing the clothing back. The y-incision seemed to glare back at her. She bit her lip. _Have I seen this man before? Is this my work?_ A sharp pang emanated in her chest when she realized that wasn't even possible. She'd only been back a little over a week and she'd only done two autopsies in that time. Both were men but not this one, she'd have remembered. Maura ran a gloved hand softly up the incision before looking at his face. She closed her eyes. There was only one quick way to know, to be able to tell, what she had a gut feeling about already. Maura opened her eyes and moved to his head. She took a deep breath and let her fingers move to his eyes. She tried to push them open. _Nothing_. She moved her fingers to his mouth, attempting to open it. _Nothing_. Maura stepped back, realization flowing over her.

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><p>The elevator ride back up to the main floor seemed much longer than usual. Maura let out the air she hadn't realized she'd been holding as the elevator 'dinged' and the doors opened. She stepped out, her stride long, covering the floor quickly before reaching the open doorway of the squad room. She knew her heels had alerted them when she glanced around the room and found everyone looking in her direction. She also knew they had hoped she had found something. And she had; though probably not what they were thinking she had found.<p>

"Jane." Her voice sounded independent of her.

"Do you have something already?" Jane's eyebrows knitted together as she took a step toward Maura.

"He was already dead." That was the most logical thing that Maura could think of saying at the moment.

She watched Jane's features relax. "Good. So he wasn't strung up there alive. That's good news." She went to turn away from Maura.

Maura stopped her short. "No." She stepped forward, more into the room. She wrung her hands. "No." Jane glanced back at her, confused again. She tried to think of a way to say it, for Jane to understand it. "I mean, he was already _embalmed_."

She emphasized the last word, hoping Jane would catch on. "What?" She heard Jane sputter.

"Embalmed, Jane. It's what a mortician does when..." She thought everyone knew what embalming was.

"No, Maura, I know." Jane cut her off. Maura found herself slightly annoyed that Jane had done that at least a dozen times in the last few days. "But are you sure?"

That did it. "Of _course_ I am sure, Detective." Maura's face flushed.

Jane ran a hand through her hair and looked at her. At that moment Maura didn't care that Jane was trying her best to silently apologize. She didn't appreciate being questioned as if she didn't know how to do her work correctly.

"What I think Jane meant was, who would do that?" Frost jumped in.

Korsak decided to speak then too. "Where would somebody get an already embalmed person and why would they want one?" Maura watched his face contort into what she thought was disgust before he shook his head.

"Well, one would procure an already embalmed body in a number of places. He or she could have gotten him from the mortuary or from an already buried casket." Maura felt the tension dissipate. "As for why, I am not entirely sure I understand human beings well enough to attempt to answer that question."

She watched Frost smirk out of the corner of her eye. Jane finally spoke again. "Yeah well, I'm not sure I understand people enough either to understand why someone would take an _already dead_ person for fun."

"Is this even our case anymore?" Frost questioned.

Maura hadn't even considered this. _Was it really a case for the homicide division if there was not an actual murder?_ Her logical brain tried to pick out information previously stored, tried to form new connections, tried to come up with an answer for him.

"I don't know." Jane's voice filled the silence. "But I'm gong to act like it is."

Maura watched Frost nod and Korsak shrug. She averted her eyes back to Jane who had gone back over to her desk and slumped into the chair. Maura went and sat down in the chair next to her.

"Is there any way to tell who did the embalming?" Maura knew Jane's question was directed toward her.

Maura frowned. "Not that I know of."

"Can you find out?" She watched Jane frown back and suddenly felt unintelligent and self-conscious.

She felt the blush creeping back up into her cheeks. "Contrary to whatever you may believe, medical examiners do not always know that much about embalming procedures. I did take a class during school on embalming but since that line of work has nothing to do with what _I_ do, I will need more time to research before I give you a definitive answer."

Maura knew she might have stepped over an imaginary line somewhere when she looked at Jane's face. "That is _not_ what I was trying to say, Maura."

_Why am I picking fights with her? _Maura stood from the seat. She had to get out of there. "I have research to do."

She could tell that everyone was staring at her as she walked briskly out of the squad room. It felt as if her larynx was closing with each step she took. She didn't want to fight with Jane. It just...happened. Maura ducked into the bathroom, hoping no one else would be in there at this ungodly hour. _What does that even mean, 'ungodly hour'? How is an hour 'ungodly'? What _is_ 'ungodly'? _

She took deep breaths as she stared at herself in the mirror. She let her eyes roam over her facial features. Even with makeup she could see the periorbital dark circles and puffiness. She sighed. She needed sleep. Maura jumped as she saw the door open in the mirror.

"Jane." Not really who she wanted to see right now.

She watched in confusion as Jane locked the door behind her and strode so quickly that she was in front of her within seconds. Maura gasped as Jane grabbed her hips and turned her around, pushing her up against the sink she had been standing in front of.

"What is your problem?" Jane growled. Her eyes flashed anger.

Maura's brain failed her. She whimpered. Her mouth opened and closed, trying to find words. _I'm mad at you_. She wasn't entirely sure why. No, actually, she was. She was mad at Jane for making her admit that she loved her. She was mad at Jane for not saying she loved her back. She was mad at Jane for not saying anything _before _she was forced into witness protection. And mad at Jane for finally admitting to having feelings only _after_ she was engaged. Maura was mad at Jane, she realized.

She felt Jane's hand snake up and grab the back of her neck before yanking her forward and crashing their lips together. Maura gasped into the kiss, her thoughts becoming jumbled. She lifted her arms and grabbed onto Jane's waist, finally letting her hands touch her. Jane kissed her hard, pulling and biting and sucking on her bottom lip, making her feel dizzy. Jane's grip was strong, holding her, keeping her in place. She accepted Jane's tongue when it requested entrance into her mouth and allowed Jane to set the pace.

Her eyes snapped open when Jane suddenly pulled away. "Is that what you wanted?"

The anger was still there, in Jane's eyes, in her voice. They were both breathing hard. Maura fought to find her own voice. Before she knew it Jane was moving away from her, turning, unlocking the door, and walking out. Maura gripped the sink and clamped her eyes shut, allowing the tears to fall at the new realization. Maura was mad at herself.

* * *

><p><em>I am walking out in the rain<br>__And I am listening to the low moan  
><em>_Of the dial tone again  
><em>_And I am getting nowhere with you  
><em>_And I can't let it go  
><em>_And I can't get through _– **Ani Difranco **"Both Hands"


	9. Something More

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing (except James and the case) and if I did I wouldn't be making stuff up, I would just have them do it. I'm also not using any of this for profit.

**A/N:** So I'm thinking that you all were less than impressed with the last chapter. I hope this one makes up for it. Thank you to the two who did review, hiber-nation and CactoliRizzoli (hahaha), you made my day! This one is for you.

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><p>The alarm went off at 10 a.m. and Maura cringed at the sound. She reached over and turned the alarm off. She had gotten home at 5 a.m. after last night's fiasco and felt completely drained. She could still feel the pressure of Jane's lips on hers and the sound of her angry voice asking her if that's what she wanted. Maura had wanted to just sleep, to push the events of the last few hours out of her mind. But when she crawled into bed, sliding under the covers next to James, sleep wouldn't come. She tried to meditate and that lulled her into sleep for an estimated 45 minutes until a nightmare had woken her. Maura looked at the man sleeping next to her. She knew he had likely gotten home an hour before her and crawled into bed. She also knew he didn't need to be at work until 4 that day so she climbed out of bed quietly and shut the bathroom door behind her.<p>

She still couldn't get the old man out of her mind as she washed her hair, first shampoo, then conditioner. His body contorting to the song; the clever rope and pulley system moving his embalmed limbs. Maura shuddered at the picture, so fresh in her mind. She tried to scrub the memory from her body, willing the expensive body wash to erase everything she was feeling about the case, James...Jane.

She clamped her eyes shut, remembering the way Jane had kissed her. It was angry and clearly trying to prove a point. But what point was she trying to make? Maura scrubbed her face. She'd always known what Jane was trying to say, what she was trying to tell her, even if she hadn't exactly said anything. But this time, in this situation, she had no idea what Jane was thinking or feeling, and that bothered her, more than she was willing to admit. How was she supposed to make a decision without knowing how Jane felt, without understanding Jane's feelings. Obviously Jane was attracted to her; that much Maura knew. But was there something deeper? Something _more_? Maura let the hot water cascade over her body for a few more minutes before turning off the water. She frowned. How would she _know_ if there was something more?

* * *

><p>Maura had never been good at reading people. Sure, she took classes, sat in on seminars, and overused Google in order to be <em>better<em> at it. But she knew, and freely admitted, it wasn't one of her strong suits. Which is why she shouldn't have been _surprised_ that she couldn't figure out Jane's feelings toward her. And also why she shouldn't have been confused when she finally made it to work that morning and found Detective Korsak standing in her office, waiting to speak with her.

"Vince." She smiled at him as she hung up her jacket and placed her purse down on her desk. "What can I do for you?"

"You know...that thing with Jane...earlier." Korsak seemed uncomfortable and it made Maura feel out of place so she offered him a confused look in order to incite him into continuing. "I hope it isn't because we haven't exactly welcomed you back officially."

_Welcomed me back?_ Now she really didn't know what he was talking about. "What do you mean?"

He sighed. "You know... like throw you a party." He looked down at the rug. "The thing is... we really wanted to. But then we got this case... and it was supposed to be a surprise... but... now you know."

Maura could tell he was selecting his words carefully. "Oh, Vince, no. I don't need a party."

He shrugged. "It's what we do. You were missed around here Doc." He gave her a sheepish smile.

Maura felt her face brighten. "I was?" She'd never been missed before.

"Of course." He switched the coffee he was holding to his other hand. "We had four temporary M.E.'s while you were gone. None of them as smart. I don't think they liked us very much either."

Maura offered him a smile. _How could anyone not like _them? "I'm glad to be back."

He smiled at her again. "When all this is over, we'll take you out for drinks."

Inside Maura was thrilled. "The Dirty Robber?"

Korsak chuckled and started toward the door. "Or some place classier. For our classy lady." Maura waved as he walked out of her office and started toward the elevators.

In spite of everything going on right now, Maura felt herself smiling. Elated inside that people had actually missed her. For the first time in her life she felt wanted and needed. The only other time she'd felt anything close to that was when Jane had been going through her rough time with Hoyt. But truth be told, she still wasn't exactly sure whether Jane had needed _her_ or just someone that wasn't going to pry and hover like Angela. Maura sighed. She clasped her hands in front of her and turned, startled to see Jane standing in her doorway.

Jane smirked at her. "Sorry to interrupt your moment..." Jane looked around the office, "with yourself." Maura flushed a deep shade of red. "But I was wondering if you wanted to..._talk_...about...last night."

She could tell Jane didn't _really _want to talk but was just offering for her benefit. Maura shook her head. "I don't know." Jane leaned against the doorframe. "I'm confused and we've got this case, so, it's okay."

Maura had never been good at hiding her feelings from her so when Jane slowly entered the room and didn't drop the subject she wasn't surprised. "It's not okay." She looked into Maura's eyes. "Look, how about we go dancing tonight, like we used to. We don't have to talk about it but we can spend some time together, away from this crazy." She gestured toward the ceiling.

Maura looked up before realizing Jane didn't _actually_ mean something on the ceiling was crazy. She blushed. "But what about this case?"

"What case?" Jane stood in front of her, grabbing her arms. "All we have is a body snatcher at this point. No murder. We aren't even sure it's _our_ case."

Maura gave Jane a small nod. "Okay."

Jane offered a smile. "Okay. Pick you up at 8?"

Maura nodded. _Was this a _date? "Sounds great."

* * *

><p>Maura looked at herself in the mirror for the tenth time in the span of 30 minutes. She turned, checking to make sure the short red dress she'd chosen wasn't bunching in the back, and then swiveled to see if her shoes still matched. <em>Of course they still match, Maura, don't be ridiculous<em>. She _was_ being ridiculous, she knew. She glanced at the clock. 7:56. Maura's stomach seemed to flutter. Jane would be here any minute. She leaned in closer to the mirror, making sure her makeup was still perfect and her hair in place. She was thankful James worked awful hours at the hospital because she didn't really want to explain why she was getting more dressed up and seemed more concerned with her appearance for someone who was supposed to only be her best friend.

_Knock, Knock, Knock_.

Maura's heart started pounding. _Jane_. She took one more glance in the full-length mirror before quickly making her way down the hall to the front door. She took a deep breath as she opened the door, finding a smiling Jane on the other side. Maura beamed at her.

"You look..." Maura didn't know if she should say it and what she should say if she didn't. So she went with it. "Beautiful."

Really, Jane wasn't wearing anything Maura hadn't seen before; just slacks and a button up shirt. But in that moment, Maura would have _sworn_ she was the most beautiful woman in the whole world. She blushed a little and bowed her head down as she opened the door wider to allow Jane in and past her.

"Thanks." Jane moved past her but stayed close. "You look...amazing."

Maura looked up at her. She wasn't sure that was exactly the word Jane wanted to use but Maura smiled in appreciation anyway. She was too busy trying to figure out what in the world she was supposed to do now. _I should have Googled the protocol for going on a date with a friend._ _Or, whatever Jane was_. Maura wasn't sure anymore. The only thing she was sure of was how her breath hitched in her throat as Jane reached out to grab her hand.

"You ready?" Jane's voice was soft and husky.

All Maura could do was nod, lost in the depths of Jane's chocolate brown eyes. At this moment, if Jane had left it up to her, they would _not_ have left Maura's house. But it wasn't up to her and she allowed Jane to lead her down the front path to Jane's car. Maura paused, pulling Jane's hand, causing Jane to suddenly stop. Jane turned back toward her, confused.

Maura pulled her keys out from the small black clutch she held and handed them to Jane. "Here."

Jane's eyebrows arched. "Seriously?" She could tell Jane was happily surprised.

Maura smiled, a full smile that she knew had reached her eyes. "Seriously."

Jane grinned, stepped in and planted a kiss to Maura's cheek, then pulled her toward Maura's brand new Lexus. Maura giggled when Jane opened the passenger side door for her. She had to admit it was a little weird sitting in the passenger seat of her own car but the look on Jane's face made Maura want to _give_ her the car. Maura watched as Jane sat down in the driver's seat and started the car, all the while with a goofy smile on her face. Maura's own smile broadened as Jane's hand reached over and found her own, entwining their fingers and allowing their hands to rest on Maura's thigh.

They sat in comfortable silence the rest of the way there until Jane parked the car. Jane hopped out of the car quickly and was opening the door for her before Maura even had her seatbelt undone. Maura grinned at Jane, who winked back, as she let herself out of the passenger seat. Jane linked her arm through Maura's as she led them to the front of the building and into the lounge. Maura looked up at Jane's face, her eyes sparking, a smile dancing on her mouth. Even through all of the horror they'd seen, Jane was still Jane, and Jane was Maura's something_ more_.

* * *

><p><em>Lucky I'm in love with my best friend<br>__Lucky to have been where I have been  
><em>_Lucky to be coming home again _– **Jason Mraz & Colbie Calliat **("Lucky")


	10. Tonight

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own anything except the case and James and I'm still not using this for profit. The song is "The Way You Look Tonight," originally by Fred Astaire.

**A/N:** Wow, thank you all for the amazing reviews! I can't say it enough, I value everything you say. Also, this might be **rated M**, though probably not.

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><p>Maura looked out at the sea of people from her perch on the barstool. She smiled softly, watching couples pair up as the first chords of a slow song started to play. Maura suddenly felt like she was at her high school prom again. She took a sip of her red wine in an effort to calm the anxiety that immediately became apparent as she thought of her prom. The addition of alcohol seemed to be the only difference. Well, that, and the fact that she was 17 years younger then than she was now. Maura closed her eyes and only opened them when she felt Jane move against her leg. She'd come back from the bathroom and was standing unusually close to Maura, not having sat back down on her own barstool.<p>

"May I have this dance?" Jane held out her hand, clearly in an effort to be more sophisticated. The look on her face still suggested she thought sophistication seemed like a ridiculous notion.

Maura chuckled to herself. "Absolutely."

She allowed Jane to guide her to the dance floor, not caring whether people would stare or comment on the fact that they were both female. That thought hadn't really crossed Maura's mind whenever they went out together. _This is Boston_. Maura reasoned with herself. _No one is caring_. Honestly, Maura didn't mind if they _did_ care, it was just nice to know she was back in a place where, if she chose to be with Jane, she didn't need to consider what others might think of it.

Jane had placed both of her hands on Maura's hips, holding her softly, as if she was afraid to break her. Maura linked her own hands around Jane's neck, pulling them closer together, needing to feel more of Jane. She followed Jane's lead, allowing her to sway them back and forth in time with the music. Maura closed her eyes, relishing the moment.

"Someday, when I'm awfully low... when the world is cold... I will feel a glow just thinking of you... and the way you look, tonight..." Jane whispered and Maura's breath hitched. No one had ever sung to her before. Though Jane wasn't exactly _singing_. Nevertheless, to be fair, no one had ever done anything even remotely that romantic for her.

Maura let her left hand drop down to rest on Jane's arm and nestled her head into the crook of Jane's neck. Her eyelashes fluttered against Jane's skin and she could feel Jane's pulse, her lifeline. She could feel the soft hum of Jane's skin as she continued to whisper out the words, melting Maura's defenses. Jane smelled of lavender and soap and Maura savored the scent she longed for.

"And that laugh, that wrinkles your nose...touches my foolish heart..." Jane turned her head, kissing the tip of Maura's nose. Maura's eyes opened, she felt her heart jump. Her head swirled, too caught up in the moment to care about the rest of the world. Here, in Jane's arms, it was peaceful. Here there were no dead bodies, no cases to solve, no feelings to interpret, no James. _James_.

Maura wished she hadn't thought of him. She wished she hadn't felt that tiny prick in her heart. The one that made her feel like she needed a CAT scan, just to make sure it was a psychological pain. Maura had _never_ done this before. Never even thought herself capable of this. She was cheating, she knew. It made her feel heavy with guilt. It kept her up at night. It seemed to follow her around everywhere, lurked in every shadow, hid under every rock. Even when she was with James, it wasn't better. She felt like she was cheating on Jane then. Maura sat with the feeling. She closed her eyes and let herself feel the guilt. She knew what she had to do. She shifted in Jane's arms and placed a soft kiss on her neck. Just not tonight.

* * *

><p>"Are you going to be okay?" Jane seemed concerned. She was already in her own car and had rolled the window down.<p>

"Fantastic." Maura winced, knowing that was likely not the truth. She stumbled away from the car. Maura never allowed herself to drink more than she could handle but tonight was apparently an exception.

"Call me if you need me." Maura could tell Jane was being sincere but Maura didn't want to hear that right now. She knew what she had to do and she didn't want to feel worse about it.

"Mmhmm." Maura didn't care if Jane could hear her or not. She wanted to get in the house as quickly as she could, she didn't want to look back. She knew Jane would sit there until Maura was inside with the door locked.

Maura tripped and stumbled all the way up the walkway to the front door. She smacked the Geraniums along the way causing a few flowers to go flying across the rest of the garden. When she reached the door she clumsily fumbled with the key, taking much longer to get into the house than she normally would have. Maura slammed the door behind her, flicking the lock, before throwing her purse down on the floor and slipping out of her shoes. She left them by the door and lumbered down the hallway, crashing into the wall only once on her way. When she reached the bedroom she looked across the room to the bed. James was already in it. Maura reached up under her dress and yanked her panties down, kicking them across the floor. She stumbled a bit again once she got near the bed before climbing in.

James stirred. "Babe?"

She didn't speak, wouldn't allow herself to. She crawled up the mattress, feeling around for James's legs, hiking her dress up along the way. Maura awkwardly climbed on top of him, ripping the sheets off in the process.

"What are you doing?" He was more awake now. He should have understood.

Maura rolled her eyes. "Isn't it obvious?"

He gripped her hips, pulling her into him. She allowed him to touch her and move her and bend her to his will. She didn't protest when he pushed down his own pajama pants or when he pushed her down onto him. Maura cried out. Not in pleasure. She hadn't been ready. She'd been thinking about Jane. And it had been Jane that was on her mind the entire time, until he cried out in pleasure. Maura rolled off of him, sliding over to her side of the bed, turning away from him. She pulled the covers over her, not bothering to remove her dress. She'd throw it out tomorrow. Before Maura knew what was happening she felt the hot tears, streaking her cheeks. She couldn't stop the loud sobs that followed either.

She felt James turn on his side and put a hand on her arm. "Are you okay?"

Maura nodded, even though that was obviously a lie. She forced herself to quiet her sobs long enough for him to turn back to his side. When she heard the soft snoring she allowed the tears to come again, wracking her body. She knew that the makeup and tears would ruin her pillowcase but she'd already decided they were getting thrown out tomorrow too. Along with the rest of the sheets. Maybe even the comforter.

* * *

><p>The blaring of her cell phone at 6:30 a.m. was not something Maura wanted to hear. She groaned and held a hand to her head before hitting 'send.' She was <em>never<em> drinking like that again.

"Isles." She knew her voice came out garbled and she hoped that the person on the other end understood. Though she quickly decided she didn't care either way. She looked down at the red dress still snug on her body. Maura closed her eyes.

"We have another body." It was Jane's voice. _Damnit_.

* * *

><p>"<em>You couldn't have it if you <em>did _want it," the Queen said. "The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday – but never jam to-day."  
><em>"_It _must_ come sometimes to 'jam to-day,'" Alice objected.  
><em>"_No, it can't," said the Queen. "It's jam every _other_ day: to-day isn't any _other_ day, you know."  
><em>**Lewis Carroll** (Through the Looking-Glass)

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><p><strong>AN:** I _know_. I'm sorry. Hit the review button and tell me how much you hate me so that I can fix it and make you happy again. 3


	11. Vulnerability

**Disclaimer: **If I suddenly owned these characters, it would be all over the news, promise. I'm not profiting from this either.

**A/N:** I decided, that since you were all SO amazing about that last chapter, I wouldn't make you wait for this one. Really, you all are the best group of people ever. I am constantly humbled and gracious. I hope you enjoy.

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><p>The message was the same, the music was the same, the littered paper the same, the difference was the man suspended from the ceiling. This man was wearing a white powered wig and black robe. His limbs bounced around in the air in time to the music. Maura looked up in disbelief. Her stomach felt sick.<p>

"Cut him down." Maura was thankful when four officers went to grab the ladder since she wasn't sure if her voice was strong enough to say it again.

She watched them carefully cut the man down and lay him down on the floor. She crossed the room and bent down next to the man, wincing at the slight pain in her leg muscles. She took a deep breath and pulled on her blue latex gloves. Maura reached out, her hand shaking slightly, and touched the man's closed eyes. She tried to lift the lids. _Nothing_. Her heart sank. She moved her fingers to the man's robe and slowly opened it. She sat back on her heels as she stared down at the same pattern. _At least he was already dead too_.

Maura flicked her eyes up at Jane who was standing above her, waiting. She nodded at the brunette before standing up and moving away. She watched them load the man into the black body bag and wheel him out into the street. She wasn't exactly sure why but Maura felt horrible. She felt as though this was a personal attack against her. She ripped the gloves off and stomped out of the house, into the early morning. Maura leaned against the cool brick on the side of the house, her hands on her knees.

"Maur?" Maura bit her lip when she heard Jane's voice. She didn't look up. "Maur, are you ok?"

Maura shook her head. "No." She could feel Jane step in closer. "No, I'm not okay."

She could feel Jane grabbing her arms, pulling her up toward her. Jane engulfed her in long, lanky limbs, holding her tight. She responded by burying her head into Jane's neck and clasping her hands around Jane's back. She didn't want to cry again. _Why is this bothering me so much? _Maura felt like her whole life was spiraling out of control.

* * *

><p><em> "<em>Does anyone else feel like we're being pranked?" Jane asked and Maura watched as she flopped into her chair at her desk.

"We gotta talk to his family." Korsak looked around. "If he has one."

"Do we even know who he is yet?" Jane looked hopefully over at Maura.

"We took his prints and the lab is running them through the system as we speak." Maura sat down in the chair opposite Jane's desk, crossing her legs and allowing her head to tip backward.

It had been one hell of a week. Aside from the emotional rollercoaster she was going through personally, this case was taking a lot out of her and she wasn't sure why. She'd seen worse. She'd seen completely mutilated bodies before. This shouldn't bother her. But for some reason, it did. And maybe it was because it was her first actual case in three years. But Maura wasn't convinced that was the truth. She wasn't used to this; being unsure of her own thoughts. It didn't help that she wasn't sleeping. At all. She felt sick constantly. And guilty. Always guilty. Maura hadn't prepared herself for coming back to Boston the way she now realized she should have. She thought things would go back to normal. She wasn't expecting this _thing_ with Jane. When she left they were just friends. Well, maybe. Deep down Maura knew that they were never really _just_ friends. But she was so tired of analyzing the situation.

"Maur?" Jane voice was soft.

"Mmm?" Maura lifted her head, rubbing her temples.

"Maybe you should go home. Get some rest." Maura peered over at Jane through her eyelashes.

"No. I'm here, I'm fine." _Fine_. _What does 'fine' even mean_? Maura sat up straight in the chair.

Jane's computer 'dinged' loudly, letting them know she had gotten mail. Maura turned in her chair, hoping it was good news. They hadn't been able to determine the first old man's identity yet; his prints came back with nothing. So when Jane's eyes lit up, Maura hoped for the best this time.

"We got a match!" Jane smiled broadly. Maura watched as her smile turned upside down. "Ohhhh, this isn't good."

Korsak and Frost came over to crowd around Jane's desk. "What?" Frost was the first to ask.

"Apparently he was a judge." Maura wasn't surprised given the way they had found him, even if American judges no longer dressed that way. "Michael Victor."

"What a shame." Korsak shook his head.

"He was the juvenile dependency judge over in Cambridge." Jane continued to read the screen.

"Oh?" This hit a nerve with Maura.

Jane looked up at her. "He's been retired for a while."

Maura nodded. "Does it say when he died?"

She watched Jane's eyes flick back and forth for a while before looking up. "Last week."

"How?" Maura really wanted to know.

"Doesn't say." Jane shrugged.

"We'll need the autopsy report." Maura was already on her feet and heading toward the door. She needed to know. She needed to understand why _this_ man had been hung up like a puppet. Why had a retired juvenile dependency judge become the subject of this horrific nightmare?

* * *

><p>"I brought you some lunch." His voice was sweet and hopeful and Maura looked up at James standing in her office door.<p>

She'd been sitting down at her desk, looking through the autopsy report of the dead judge for the last few hours, attempting to find anything the other M.E. could have missed. She'd been over it a dozen times and still came up with nothing without analyzing the body herself. He had simply and suddenly died of a heart attack. She looked at the clock and noted that it was at least an hour after her usual lunchtime. She smiled at James even though inside she still felt horrible about last night.

He placed the salad down on her desk in front of her and took a seat in the chair facing her. Maura closed the report and lifted the lid off the salad. She hadn't realized how hungry she'd been until she took the first bite.

"So..." He started, causing Maura to look up at him. "I know you are really busy, we both are, but I talked to my mom this morning..." He paused, so she set down her fork and looked at him. "And she wanted to know if we picked a venue yet."

Maura fought the urge to vomit. She wanted to yell at him. Try to make him understand that she _was_ very busy right now. That she didn't have _time_ to talk about wedding stuff. And couldn't he see that this was more important than planning a wedding? Maura swallowed the food she had in her mouth. She stared at him, running his fingers through his hair nervously. She softened. It really wasn't his fault that she was really busy right now. And, admittedly, her anger wasn't really about her being too busy to deal with it. Her anger wasn't really at him at all. It was with herself and her own inability to handle and deal with the current James/Jane situation. She _really_ needed to fix this.

"We've got to talk." She watched his face fall into a panic. "But now right now." She offered him a smile as a consolation. "Right now, I want to eat my salad while you tell me about your day."

She wasn't sure if he had prepared himself to be okay with whatever she said or if her smile really did consol him, but he smiled in return and leaned back in the chair. Maura spent the rest of her lunch listening to him talk to her about his new job at the hospital and whatever his parents were doing in Washington. Though later, when asked, she couldn't remember anything he had said to her that afternoon.

* * *

><p>"Do you want to talk about it?" Jane's voice was calm and sincere.<p>

Maura looked up at her from her place on Jane's couch. She shouldn't have gone home with Jane, she knew. She was just _asking_ for trouble, just _begging_ herself to make the wrong choice. But she couldn't help herself. When Jane asked, knowing she needed someone to talk to, she had said yes.

"I don't know." Maura fidgeted with the hem of the violet colored blouse she had chosen to wear that day.

In reality, Maura was surprised she even matched after last night. When she'd gotten the call from Jane that morning she had been exhausted from crying herself to sleep and even the hot, scalding shower she took didn't help erase the fog from her mind. When she went into her closet she felt as though she had been on autopilot, pulling the shirt and dress pants from their hangers. If asked, she wasn't even sure she was wearing matching underwear, something she _always_ did.

"How do you feel?" Jane placed a hand on Maura's.

"Why?" Maura willed herself not to cry. "I mean, why him? Is it because of me? Or is it just a coincidence?" Maura laughed bitterly. "You know, statistically, coincidences are inevitable and therefore, unremarkable. If I wasn't so tired, so exhausted, I would do the math, I could tell you what the probability of this exact event happening is."

She looked into Jane's eyes. "I know." She knew Jane knew.

She stared at Jane still. Trying to convey that she was so tired, that she needed Jane to do the work for her. But she knew Jane couldn't so she looked down, staring instead at their entwined hands.

"You know, I'm sure he completed adoptions for hundreds of thousands of children during the time he was a judge. He was probably the only one. I'm sure it's just an unremarkable coincidence." She could tell Jane was really trying.

Maura nodded, not sure if she really believed that or not. _Was_ it just a coincidence that the judge in her morgue just happened to be the same judge that completed her own adoption all of those years ago? Maura didn't know and she didn't really feel like talking about it anymore. Instead, she offered Jane a small smile. "You're probably right. It probably doesn't mean anything. I'm just being paranoid."

Jane scooted closer to her, their legs touching. Maura looked into her eyes. The love she found there was unmistakable. "Jane?"

"Hmm?" She brushed a stray hair off of Maura's face and cleared her throat.

Maura reached out and climbed on top of Jane, straddling her lap and crashing their lips together. She wasn't sure why. She was never this compulsive. Maybe it was the way Jane looked at her. Maybe it was her vulnerability. Maybe she wanted to erase away the pain of last night. Maybe she just needed to see where this could go if they let it. All she knew for sure was that it felt good, it felt _right_. When she kissed Jane she felt like she was pouring her heart out to her. She laced her fingers through Jane's curly hair, trying to pull her closer. She could feel Jane's hands snaking up under her blouse, rubbing along her back. She kissed Jane with everything she had in her.

After a few minutes Jane pulled back. "Are you sure?"

Maura whimpered, leaning her forehead on Jane's. She nodded. Afraid to say anything. Afraid she would ruin the moment, the momentum, and real life would come crashing down. Jane kissed her again quickly before gently moving Maura off of her lap. She watched Jane stand and then placed her hand in Jane's and allowed herself to be pulled up from the couch. Jane led them down the hallway, into her room, walking backward the entire way so she could stare at Maura. Staring into Jane's eyes, Maura had never felt so vulnerable or alive in her whole life.

* * *

><p><em>Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. <em>**Neil Gaiman **(The Sandman #65)


	12. The Soldier

**Disclaimer:** Let me check... Nope, still own nothing and I'm still not using this for profit.

**A/N:** Wow. So, as thanks for all the a-mazing reviews you all have so kindly left me, here is the next chapter. Keep bringing the love and I'll keep busting out chapters. Promise.

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><p>Maura blinked, the bed was moving and she could hear Jane's voice, low and laden with sleep, drifting further away. She brushed the hair out of her eyes, blinking more to get her bearings. <em>This is not my bed<em>. Maura breathed deep.

She could barely hear Jane now, who was out in the hallway. "Where?"

Maura frowned and looked at the clock, 5:23 a.m. _What am I doing here?_ Maura shifted and sat up. The sheets were soft and if Maura wasn't mistaken... she looked down. _Shit_. Maura rarely cursed, even in her head, so she wasn't entirely sure whether the following surprise came from that or the fact that she was naked in Jane Rizzoli's bed. She looked around, eyes frantically searching.

"I'll tell her." Jane's voice was muffled but Maura knew she was referring to her.

Maura watched the door as she heard Jane's footsteps. _Oh God_. Jane walked back through the door in the same state Maura was in. Maura quickly covered her eyes with her hand. Though she wasn't exactly sure why since they'd apparently seen a whole lot of each other last night. And it also wasn't like she didn't _want_ to see her naked, again. But something about her walking back into the bedroom that had been bathed in early morning light made Maura feel like it was _wrong_ to look.

"Sorry." She heard Jane murmur. Maura peeked through her fingers and watched as Jane started picking up clothes from the floor, tossing them in various directions.

"No." Maura winced, she hadn't meant to be so forceful. "I mean... I wasn't sure if... you would want me to... look." _This is going well_. Maura rolled her eyes at herself. She let her hand fall into her lap.

Jane stopped throwing clothes and lifted her head, staring at Maura. "I think that's a moot point now, don't you?"

Maura's whole body flushed with embarrassment. "I suppose you would be correct."

Jane went back to flinging clothes until she finally pulled on a pair of navy blue boy shorts and a white tank top. "Sorry, I can't find yours." Jane gave her a sheepish smile.

Maura sucked in her breath. "I might have an idea." Their eyes travelled to the lamp on Jane's dresser where Maura's lace underwear was hanging, then to the small television in the corner where the matching bra was located. _They _did_ match_.

Jane let out a hearty laugh. "Sorry. Here..." Jane walked across the floor and retrieved the set and came to the side of the bed to hand it to Maura. Maura loved Jane in the morning. Her hair tousled from sleep and voice huskier than usual. She loved Jane always, Maura reasoned, but especially in the morning, when the sight of Jane warmed something within.

Maura took them and smiled up at Jane. "Thanks."

Jane nodded and started toward the bathroom, giving Maura some privacy. "We have another body by the way." Maura closed her eyes, knowing. "Same M.O."

Maura groaned and waited until Jane closed the bathroom door before throwing the thin sheet off her body and climbing out of the bed. _Shit_. It was Maura's new favorite word.

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><p>Maura leaned back against the headrest and closed her eyes. Jane had insisted on driving, deciding that it was better to show up together in Jane's car, rather than Maura's. Maura still wasn't sure she followed the logic but her head hurt too much to care. She did notice that the periorbital dark circles and puffiness had gotten better with the sound sleep she had fallen into last night. Well, the sound sleep she'd fallen into <em>after<em> having sex with her best friend. She really hated herself for the latter. She'd inadvertently brought Jane into her world of crazy and that made Maura uneasy. She had always felt the need to protect Jane from all of her shortcomings. Over the years, Jane had silently and relentlessly infiltrated her defenses, even loving her for her deficiencies. And now, Maura felt awful and embarrassed that she'd effectively made Jane the "other woman." She opened her eyes when the car came to a stop. Immediately feeling bad that she hadn't said a word to Jane the entire ride. She glanced at Jane, hoping she wouldn't see a look of disappointment on the brunette's face. Maura felt relief when Jane reached over and squeezed her hand. She watched Jane get out of the car before she grabbed her bag and exited as well.

"Who is it this time?" She could hear Jane ask the uniformed guard standing just inside the yellow police tape running around the yard, warding off unwelcome guests.

"A soldier. Possibly Marines. We had to call NCIS to be sure." Maura frowned at his response. _Was there _anyone _off limits to this person?_

Jane was already walking briskly up the walkway and had disappeared into the house before Maura had flashed her tag at the officer and slid under the yellow tape. She was only halfway up the walk when she heard Jane scream.

"Keep Maura out! Get her out of here!" Maura paused in confusion at the steps when she heard Jane yelling. She peered in through the open doorway and could only see the back of the uniformed man, bouncing in time with the music she wasn't close enough to hear.

The next thing Maura saw was Jane. Her tangle of limbs and hair, rushing toward the door, toward her. Maura dropped the bag she was holding when Jane hit her like a whirlwind. Her unusually quick brain didn't have time to catch up as Jane grabbed her, holding the back of her head and forcing it down.

"Jane!" Maura's voice was muffled against the grey blazer Jane had put on this morning.

Jane didn't answer, only made herself a barrier between Maura and the house as she all but carried Maura across the lawn. Confused, Maura gripped tightly onto Jane and tried to keep up with the brunette's quick movements, attempting to walk backward in heels as quickly as Jane was moving them. Jane didn't stop until they were on the opposite side of the house, away from the police and crime scene technicians, and gawkers. Maura gasped for air and pushed the hair out of her eyes when Jane finally let go of the back of her head.

"Jane." Maura stuttered, Jane wasn't letting her go, the grip she had on Maura still tight. She looked up at Jane's face. She'd never seen that look on Jane's face before, on anyone's face before, and she would come to realize, she never _wanted_ to see that look again.

"I'm so sorry, baby." It was all Jane was whispering. She could feel one of Jane's hands running through her hair, down her cheeks, and back up again.

"Jane?" Maura was so confused, her eyes searching Jane's frantically for an answer.

Jane's eyes watered. She shook her head. Maura knew Jane didn't know what to say, how to tell Maura about what happened in that house, what she had seen in the few seconds she had been in there. She could tell Jane's heart was breaking _for_ her. She searched Jane's eyes again. Her eyes said it all.

"No." Maura didn't want to believe it. She couldn't. He was tough. He was smart. And he hadn't been already dead. There had to be_ some _mistake.

She could feel Jane pushing the hair out of her face, nodding in rapid succession. "I'm so sorry Maur."

Maura could feel her legs buckling. They resembled Jell-O and she just couldn't will herself to stand on them any longer. She felt Jane grab her, holding her up, then easing them both to the ground. She felt Jane pull her into her lap. She could hear Jane still apologizing, as if it was Jane's fault. But Maura knew. James was dead and Maura knew. It was her _own_ fault.

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><p><em>There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.<br>_**Oscar Wilde**


	13. Guilt

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing and am not using anything for profit.

**A/N:** Thank you so much for the reviews! I'm thrilled that none of you saw that coming and that you liked it. I love hearing what you think and I hope that I will always live up to your expectations! Hope you enjoy this chapter as well. 3

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><p>Maura couldn't help that she'd been staring off into space for the last hour, mindlessly twisting the ring on her left hand. She could feel everyone staring at her, looking at each other, silently questioning whether they should say something to her. They'd all given her their sympathetic frowns, shoulder pats, and "I'm sorry's." Maura knew they didn't know what else to do or say. She didn't want to be a source of their awkwardness anymore. Maura shook her head and cleared her throat.<p>

"Can I leave now?" She turned toward Jane. Maura knew that they had to take her back here, to the station, for questioning, but she hoped that by this point she would be able to leave. She couldn't answer anything else. She didn't _know_ anything else.

She watched Jane nod. "Just lemme get my coat."

Maura watched Jane stand and head to her locker. She'd forgotten that Jane had driven them to the scene. She was suddenly grateful though, that she didn't drive, as she wasn't entirely sure she'd be able to find her way back home. _Home_. Maura's stomach turned. She placed a shaky hand on her abdomen as she stood and took the same path Jane had. They stood at the elevator bay together in silence. Maura was thankful for the empty elevator when it came and allowed Jane to put a hand on her back as they stepped in. She could feel Jane's eyes on her as the doors closed. She glanced over. The look in Jane's eyes was one of grief and guilt instead of sympathy. It startled Maura so much that she was able to read this in Jane that tears flooded over and a loud sob escaped her lips.

She watched Jane reach out and hit the emergency stop before she felt herself being scooped up in Jane's arms. Jane's body was warm and strong and Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's waist. She buried her head in Jane's shoulder and let the tears fall. She never allowed herself to be this open with anyone before and it scared her.

"Let it out. It's okay." Jane's soft murmurs caused Maura to cry harder.

She felt foolish, crying like this in an elevator at work. She felt even more foolish that it was Jane who was consoling her. She didn't deserve anyone's sympathy and the guilt Jane likely felt was entirely her fault. She definitely didn't deserve the soothing motions Jane was making on her back, Maura knew. She also knew she should have fixed this earlier. She brought a hand around and wiped at her tears. She felt Jane kiss the top of her head and Maura sucked in a deep breath. She pulled away, not letting herself look back into Jane's eyes. They'd never make it out of the elevator if she did.

Jane hit the emergency switch to turn the elevator back on. "Let's get you home."

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><p>Maura gulped in air when the car stopped in front of Jane's building. <em>Let's get you <em>home. Tears spilled over onto her cheeks and she buried her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry." She felt Jane's hand on her back. "I didn't think..." Jane was stuttering. "I could take you to your house instead."

But her own house meant James. His things. His scent. His memories. Maura shook her head. No, here is really where she wanted to be. She squeezed her eyes shut, letting the last remaining tears fall, and then lifted her head. Careful not to look at Jane, Maura undid her seatbelt and opened the passenger side door, stepping out of the car. She didn't look back to make sure Jane was following before walking up the walkway and entering the building. Maura made her way to Jane's apartment before she stopped to allow Jane to catch up and unlock the door.

Once inside Maura stepped out of her heels and dropped her purse to the floor before walking directly into Jane's room. The memories of the night before flooded her mind and she closed her eyes tightly, willing them away. Maura climbed into Jane's bed, trying to ignore the fact that it was in the same state they had left it this morning. This morning, when the guilt had only settled in her stomach. Now her whole body felt the guilt. It pulled on her muscles, and tendons, and bones, engulfing all her major organs, even her useless appendix. She pulled the comforter up to her neck, shivering.

She could hear Jane moving through the rest of the apartment. Probably moving her shoes and putting her purse in a safe place. Normally Maura would have felt like a bad guest, dropping everything at the door. But now, she felt everything else. The guilt, the pain, the sadness. She didn't have room for politeness. Maura opened her eyes again when she felt the bed sag to one side. Though the lights were still off, the mid-day sun shone through the blinds, allowing Maura to see Jane clearly. She could tell Jane wasn't sure what to do. She knew Jane was silently telling her she'd be there if she wanted to talk. She knew Jane was telling her that she'd get whatever it is that she needed. But Maura wasn't sure if she wanted to talk. And Maura wasn't sure what she needed, aside from a time machine. But even if she had one, she would have always had one, and she wouldn't be in this position right now.

Maura willed herself to stop thinking. She felt Jane move and she reached out to touch her leg. She didn't want Jane to leave. Maura was relieved when the bed stopped moving. When Jane's hand found it's way into her dark auburn curls Maura closed her eyes again. She moved closer, needing to feel more of Jane, needing to be near her warmth. The soft strokes, the warmth, and the exhaustion from the day finally lulled Maura's brain to rest. And when sleep came, Maura didn't put up a fight.

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><p>When Maura woke again the room was completely dark and as she stretched she found the bed empty. Her whole body ached and as she sat up her head throbbed in protest. Her eyes hurt when she rubbed the sleep away, blinking in the darkness. Maura could hear noise coming from behind the closed door as she slowly slid out from under the covers. She let her feet hit the cool floor and steadied herself before walking across the familiar room. Opening the door, Maura blinked rapidly at the change in lightness. She slowly made her way down the hall, tugging at the dress she had thrown on that morning. She wished she had gone home before the crime scene, instead of letting Jane convince her to wear the dress that had been stuffed in the back of Jane's closet from a sleepover they'd had three years ago. No, she wished she'd been at home last night, in bed, next to James. <em>Was James even home last night?<em> Her stomach twisted at her lack of an answer.

When she reached the kitchen she saw Jane standing by the stove, flipping what looked like grilled cheese sandwiches in a pan. Maura ran a hand through her hair and cleared her throat.

Jane looked over at her and plastered a smile on her face. "Hey."

Maura tried to smile back. She crossed her arms under her chest. "Hey."

Jane motioned toward the pan. "Making some grilled cheese. My culinary expertise."

Maura wanted to protest. Tell Jane she wasn't hungry. Didn't feel like eating.

Jane interrupted her thoughts, before her mouth could speak. "I know you aren't hungry but you need to eat something. Please try."

Her voice was soft and Maura felt herself unable to say no. She moved to the stool at the island and sat down. She watched Jane grab a plate and put one of the sandwiches on it before grabbing a knife and cutting it down the middle. Maura had never had grilled cheese sandwiches before Jane. But ever since that Sunday when she learned that her mother had been in Boston but hadn't bothered to see her and Jane had come over and cooked her dinner, Maura made them every time she needed to feel comfort. Maura's eyes filled with tears. She didn't deserve this, for Jane to be taking care of her. Jane sat the grilled cheese sandwich and bowl of tomato soup in front of her. Maura gave her a shaky smile in return before bowing her head again. She picked up the half sandwich, hot and greasy under her fingertips, and took a small bite.

Jane came and sat down on the stool next to her, placing her own plate and bowl on the countertop. Maura looked at her and swallowed the bite she was holding in her mouth. Jane turned and Maura knew she would wait for her to start talking.

"I feel so guilty." Finally, Maura allowed herself to say it out loud. The words felt thick, on her tongue and in the air. But they felt good to say to someone aside from herself.

Jane laid her hand on Maura's. "I know."

She looked into Jane's chocolate brown eyes. She didn't know where she would find the strength to ever forgive herself. She wanted Jane to tell her everything was going to be okay. But Maura knew Jane couldn't, she wouldn't, because maybe everything wouldn't be okay. For once in Maura's life, maybe this was one problem that couldn't be solved.

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><p><em>Guilt resembles a sword with two edges. On the one hand, it cuts for Justice, imposing practical morality upon those who fear it. But there is another side to that weighted emotion. Conscience does not always adhere to rational judgment. Guilt is always a self-imposed burden, but it is not always rightly imposed. <em>**R. A. Salvatore** (_Sojourn_)


	14. Confessions

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own. Still not using for profit.

**A/N:** Next chapter, kind of a filler. Thanks to the two who reviewed!

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><p>They had been sitting there on the couch, in silence, for a while now. The television was on but had been muted by Jane, in an effort, Maura thought, to allow her to speak if she needed to. Maura needed to, but she wasn't sure if she could. She looked over at Jane from her side of the couch. She was so pretty, beautiful, with her olive complexion and thick, dark, curly hair. Maura always thought Jane should have been a model instead; she'd break a million hearts. Jane glanced at her, apparently noticing that she was staring. Maura blushed and looked down at the green silk pajama bottoms Jane had thoughtfully asked Angela to pick up from her house while she was napping. She could feel Jane's hand move to rest on her feet, the only thing she could reach of Maura's.<p>

It was so hard to have Jane touch her, to be nice to her, to comfort her. After all, it was all of those qualities in Jane that contributed to the feelings Maura felt now. Maura hadn't been able to stop herself from being completely open when it came to Jane. Especially after she realized what Jane meant to her. But that didn't excuse her actions. Maura knew she should have told James. She knew that even though it meant breaking his heart, it was a risk she should have taken much earlier, before things spiraled out of control with Jane. Maura thought that maybe she believed in Karma, that maybe this was her due for what she did. But how? When him dying really meant that she was free to be with Jane without hurting James. It really seemed like it was more of a favor to James in the end. And maybe it was, but Maura also knew that this _was_ her punishment. She was the one who had to continue to live with her guilt and that raw, nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach that kept telling her that it was her fault he was dead.

"I feel guilty too." Jane's voice startled Maura out of her thoughts. She looked up at Jane.

_What?_ "What?" Maura could feel her forehead wrinkling in confusion. "Why?"

She watched Jane rub her face before letting out a deep breath. "I knew you were engaged. I shouldn't have pushed you. I feel guilty for trying to take you away from him."

Maura's heart hurt at Jane's honesty. She shook her head. "Don't be. It's not your fault."

Maura watched Jane turn on the couch to face her, pulling her long legs up. "It's not yours either."

She didn't believe that. _How can I?_ Maura took a deep breath. "But it _is_. I should have told him sooner. I should have told him not to come back to Boston with me. I should have _known_. I allowed myself to think with my heart instead of my head. I feel horrible for wanting to be around you, knowing that he died while we were together. I should have been home last night."

When she saw the hurt all over Jane's face she knew she had misspoken. "Did you _want_ to be home last night?"

Maura felt the tears coming. "No. That's the problem." She tried to bat away the tears steadily streaming down her face. "I wanted to be here, with you. And now I'm being punished."

Jane took her hands, holding them tightly. "You aren't being punished Maura. You can't help how you feel about someone. You didn't know."

Maura shook her head. "I've always known how I felt about you. And I am being punished. First, the judge who did my adoption and now, my fiancé. I _am_ being punished."

Maura knew that she was right when she looked into Jane's eyes. Jane knew too. She pulled her hands from Jane's and wrapped her arms around her legs, tucking her chin into the cocoon. She could feel Jane shifting on the couch before she felt her arms around her calves. When Jane's forehead came to rest on the tops of her bent knees, Maura finally felt some peace. They stayed that way, wrapped up in each other until Maura's back became too strained and her neck began to ache. She lifted her head and kissed the top of Jane's. Jane let go of her legs and lifted her own head, breaking the contact and allowing the cold air to infiltrate. Maura shivered as Jane stood from the couch. She felt a sense of déjà vu when Jane reached for her hand and pulled her from the couch before guiding her back down the hall to the bedroom. The only thing different about this time was that passion wasn't the driving force, only pain and grief.

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><p>Maura looked down at her lap to the denim encasing her legs. <em>At least she agreed to let me go with her<em>. When they had been woken an hour ago by Jane's alarm Maura had protested until Jane agreed to let her go to work with her on the condition that Maura _not_ go down to the morgue, under any circumstances. She'd been given, well, forced to take, a leave of absence for a week and she wasn't supposed to enter her office or the morgue. Jane also wouldn't take her to her house to get work appropriate clothing since, Jane reasoned, Maura wasn't really going to work. So the jeans Angela had somehow found and packed with Maura's other clothes and brought over last night was the only thing she could find to wear. She looked down at her shoes. _At least the heels match_. Maura sighed and looked out the window, watching the trees and cars pass by in a blur. She silently wondered if she would always feel this way, or if these feelings were just part of the grieving process and whether they would go away before or after she began forgetting his memory. _Or never_. At this point, Maura was convinced she'd have these feelings for as long as she continued to _have_ feelings.

Jane stopped the car and Maura unhooked her seatbelt. She glanced at Jane only because she could feel Jane staring at her. "I'll be okay." She felt like she needed to say that.

She watched Jane nod and unhook her own seatbelt before exiting the car. Maura held her breath and climbed out of the passenger seat. She followed Jane silently as they entered the building and passed through security and took the elevators up to the squad room. When they made their way through the doors Maura took a second to take in her surroundings. She noticed that their board had pictures of the first two men, hanging up in the rope contraptions. However, under James' name they had only the picture she had given them yesterday of him. Part of her was thankful that they spared her the gory details, but the other part was annoyed that they thought she wouldn't be able to handle it. She decided then that she didn't care, she just wanted to find whomever was doing this to her and make sure he paid. Now it _was_ a case for the homicide unit and this person _was_ a murderer. Maura flinched at the implication.

"We got the identification of the first man." Korsak's voice was loud and startled Maura.

She looked over to him. "Who was he?" She desperately needed to know.

Maura watched as Korsak's eyes flicked over to Jane first and then back to her. "His name was Henry Kingston."

Bells were going off in Maura's head and she closed her eyes to allow her brain to search through all of the information stored there until it could find the answer she needed. And there it was. Though, instead of providing relief in knowing, it crushed Maura with understanding. She quickly sat in the seat across from Jane.

"He was," Her breath hitched. "He was my high school drama teacher."

She felt Jane's hand on her arm. The quiet comfort only Jane could give her. Without looking she knew that they were all sharing glances, silently trying to communicate with each other the new gravity of the situation. Maura could tell they were all thinking that this went from being some deranged high school kid's version of a prank to a cold-blooded, meticulous game of cat and mouse in which Maura was the mouse. She felt sick. No, _really _sick.

Maura stood and, continuing to ignore the glances and the calling of her name, walked quickly out of the room. She'd made it to the bathroom stall and closed the door before she could feel the bile stinging her throat and tears pricking her eyes. She winced when her knees hit the floor in the first bathroom stall but mentally reminded herself that, according to research, the first stall was the most likely to carry the fewest bacteria. She also mentally thanked herself for the foresight to have put her hair up in a bun this morning, having not had the energy to style it. Maura tried not to touch the toilet seat as the contents of her half-eaten breakfast resurfaced in the bowl. She stayed that way, on her knees hunched over the toilet, until she no longer had anything left in her stomach to give and her abdominal muscles were screaming. When she leaned back on her heels she could hear the water running behind her. _Great_. Maura closed her eyes and blew her nose with the toilet paper before flushing. She stayed there on the floor, leaning against the metal stall divider, her eyes closed, waiting for whoever was there to leave.

"Maur?" Maura opened her eyes. She reached over and unlocked the door.

Jane gently opened the bathroom stall door just wide enough to be able to fit her arm inside and not hit Maura. She handed Maura a small bottle of hand sanitizer and a damp paper towel. Maura smiled up at her, trying to convey her appreciation. She opened the bottle and used it on her hands before quickly putting a few drops on each knee; after all, bathroom floors were found to have the _most_ germs. Maura shuddered at the thought and wiped her mouth with the damp towel. When she felt otherwise composed, Maura opened the bathroom door fully and stepped out. Jane was leaning against a sink, watching her.

"Thank-you." Maura mumbled as she walked to the sink to rinse her mouth.

"I know this is a stupid question but are you ok?" She could tell Jane was concerned.

She would be concerned too. She _was_ concerned. This was so uncharacteristic of her. She was usually so composed, so put together. She never broke down crying in elevators or threw up in public restrooms. Now, she was a mess.

Maura threw away her paper towels and turned toward Jane again. "No. I'm not okay. I need to know who is doing this. I need to know why they are doing this."

Jane nodded, as if understanding her need. She watched Jane walk forward and felt her hands grip her upper arms. Maura looked into her eyes. She saw determination.

"I _will_ find out who did this Maura." Maura believed her.

She nodded and reached out. Jane encircled her in a hug and she wrapped her own arms around Jane's waist. She felt Jane's cheek against her head. Maura closed her eyes, her head on Jane's chest, listening to the heartbeat beneath the poly-blend shirt. Maura never felt safer.


	15. Insight

**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters, nor am I using this for profit.

**A/N:** You all are so amazing. I am SO sorry it has been so long. I moved to another state last week and this past weekend I had 17 hour days and 7:30 a.m. call times. So as you can imagine, I have had zero time to edit and review these chapters. I still haven't had much time to work on this one, but I feel like you've all waited long enough and I'm not sure hanging onto it another day will help. So, without further ado...

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><p>"Did anything weird happen while you were living in Washington?" Jane asked, the end of a pen tapping lightly against her chin.<p>

"Weird?" Maura wasn't sure what she meant.

"Like did you meet anyone that gave off weird vibes? The newspaper guy just a little too interested in your life?" Jane looked at her expectantly.

Maura thought about it. "No, really. Most people ignored me."

Jane frowned at her. "I doubt that." She shook her head. "What about James? What did he do in Washington?"

Maura felt sad at the mention of his name. She pushed her feelings aside. "He was a doctor. A pediatrician at the local Army base. But I really don't think this is about him, Jane. I think this is about me. Something I did. But I can't figure out what I did."

"I know Maur, but we don't have much to go on." Maura watched Jane flip through some papers.

"How did you meet?" Maura glanced at Jane. She raised her eyebrows, unsure if Jane's question was for her own benefit or if she thought it was relevant to the case. Jane's eyebrows both raised. "Well?"

"At the library." She heard Korsak snort in the background. "It's where I worked."

"You were a librarian?" This seemed amusing to Jane.

"Yes." Maura felt embarrassed. _Wasn't that an esteemed profession?_ "I quite enjoyed it."

"Okaaaay." Maura fidgeted nervously. She wasn't used to Jane making fun of her. "Whose decision was it to come back to Boston, to leave Washington?"

"Mine. Well, I mean, it was a mutual decision. I asked James whether or not he would mind if we moved back so that I could return to my old job. It pays better and I've always loved it." Maura offered. _And you were here_.

"No, I mean, was it your decision or the government's?" Jane didn't seem amused anymore.

_Oh_. Maura crossed her legs. "Mine. Though the Marshal's agreed that I wasn't in any more danger since my fath...Patty Doyle was murdered. They told me I could stay under protection if I wished but since there was no reason for anyone to come after me to get to him, they didn't see any problem with me leaving."

"How nice of them." Jane rolled her eyes.

"You didn't want me to come back?" Maura could feel her stomach tighten.

"No, Maur, that's not what I meant." She could tell Jane felt sorry. "I just meant that obviously someone is still trying to get to you, and I don't like that they just decided to drop you."

"Well, technically, they didn't decide just to drop me. Like I said..." She wanted Jane to understand. She had come back for _her_. But she couldn't just say that, in the middle of the squad room, with everyone around.

"I know." Jane cut her off. "Sorry." She watched Jane lean back in her chair and rub her face. "Three men dead, or stolen, or...whatever, and we have zero leads."

Maura felt bad. This whole case was about her and she could not come up with a single person who would do this. Her brain analyzed each of the men. She still couldn't come up with a connection between her high school drama teacher, the judge who completed her adoption, and her fiancé. Would there be others? Were her parents safe? Maura felt afraid for everyone she knew. Was _she_ next?

"I'm gunna go grab us all some lunch from the sandwich shop on the corner." She watched Jane stand and she stood herself. "No, I want you to stay incase Korsak or Frost think of any more questions."

Maura nodded and sat back down. Though initially hurt by the dismissal, Maura realized it was only logical. She watched Jane leave the room before turning toward Korsak's desk.

"May I see the photos of the crime scenes?" Korsak's head lifted to acknowledge her before his eyes flicked over to Frost. Maura rolled her eyes. "Just the first two."

Korsak seemed relived as he scooped up a handful of photographs and walked them over to her. She took them from him and smiled before placing them on Jane's desk. She slowly analyzed each one, careful to look at every inch of the photo. The only thing that struck her was why everything was in French. Was this person French? Or did this person know that she was the only one who knew French? That she was the one who would have to interpret the song and the writing on the wall. Maura frowned and flipped to the picture of the writing on the wall. Her fingers reached out to trace to French words. Such a beautiful monologue. Maura recited the lines in her head. And then it dawned on her, her stomach felt like an empty pit. She gripped the photo tighter.

"Jane." Maura could feel the tears welling in her eyes.

"She's...not here." Confusion marred Frost's voice. "Remember? She went to the sandwich shop."

"No." Maura turned toward them, the picture shaking in her hand. "Get Jane. Call Jane."

She could see both Korsak and Frost stand through her tear filled eyes. They started toward her.

"She's next." Both Frost and Korsak stopped mid-stride.

"What? How do you know?" Frost started toward her again, his eyebrows furrowing.

"The monologue. They are going backward." Maura extended her hand toward them, showing the photo of the wall. "Call Jane."

Frost reached her first and grabbed the photo, staring down at it. When Korsak reached them he too stared at the photo. "I don't get it, what do you mean?"

"Don't...don't you know the monologue?" Maura stuttered. She _really_ needed them to call Jane. "We _need _to call Jane."

"No?" Korsak shook his head, looking from the photo to her and then back down.

Maura could feel the tears hitting her cheeks as she blinked. "The monologue is about the stages of life. Death is the last stage, but before that there's the old man; my high school drama teacher, then the justice; the judge who performed my adoption. James was the soldier, though I don't think in either case, the justice or the soldier, that Shakespeare really meant it that literally."

Korsak and Frost both looked up at her. She continued quickly, "the stage before the soldier is the lover."

"Ok?" She looked back and forth between the two men. It was obvious they didn't understand.

"It's Jane." They still didn't get it. Maura wrung her hands together. "_She's_ the lover."

It took a minute before she could see realization almost simultaneously on their faces. Frost was the first to reach for his cell phone, flipping it open and dialing Jane's number. Maura watched him, hopeful. She'd never, _ever_ forgive herself if something happened to Jane because of her. The longer Frost held the phone to his ear the less hope Maura felt. Maura didn't know what to do so she did what Jane would have done.

She reached down and yanked her heels off and started toward the open doors at a full sprint. Her eyes scanned the hallway and she maneuvered through the people, seeking out the door to the stairwell. She had no time for an elevator. She took the steps two at a time, careful to hold onto the railing so she wouldn't fall. Somewhere between floors she could hear more footsteps and, while usually she would never assume, Maura knew it would be Frost and Korsak. She couldn't wait for them though and she threw open the door once she reached the first floor. She didn't care that everyone was staring as she ran through security and out the front doors of the precinct. Once she hit the pavement in front of the building her brain tried to remember which direction the sandwich shop was in.

"Left." She could hear Frost's voice yelling behind her. She mentally thanked him.

Maura turned to the left and continued to run, her feet hurting from the rough pavement. She was trying to control her breathing but the pace she had set was too fast. Her legs burned already. She was halfway down the block when she heard a familiar sound. She slowed and listened. _Jane's ringtone_. Maura looked around, her hands roaming her body. She pulled the phone from her back pocket, not having remembered when she had put it there. She hit the send button.

"Jane?" Maura gasped out. She sucked in air, trying to control her breathing. She stopped, in the middle of the sidewalk, clutching her side. She could hear the footsteps of Frost and Korsak slowing behind her.

There was a laugh. "Hello, Maura." That was _not_ Jane. Maura's heart sank at the realization.


	16. Colossal Error

**Disclaimer:** No infringement intended.

**A/N:** Thank-you so much for the reviews for last chapter! Sorry this one has taken so long as well, but I haven't had internet for about a week due to flooding (and still don't!). So it's been hard to find a time to update. It was also my birthday yesterday so I wasn't really thinking about the internet =). But, this is my present to you all for being so marvelous! I hope you enjoy. Only two more chapters left!

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><p>"Who are you? What do you want?" Maura's head reeled. Her stomach felt sick. Her heart was hammering in her chest faster than she had ever felt before.<p>

Korsak and Frost had reached her and were motioning for her to move to the side. She felt someone grab her arm and pull her out of the way of the fast-walking pedestrians, undoubtedly on their way to lunch, oblivious to the drama unfolding next to them. She looked down at the hand on her arm. _Frost_. Her usually rational brain unable to determine what to do next. She looked into his eyes. He motioned for her to put the phone on speaker. She did.

The man laughed. "You know I can't tell you who I am. But I can tell you what I want." Maura took a deep breath, preparing herself for whatever he was going to ask of her. "I want you."

She felt a hand on her back. "Why? Do you have Jane? Do you want me instead of Jane?" She knew she had to ask. She had to keep Jane from the same fate as the others. Even, Maura realized, if it meant she would die instead.

The man laughed again. "I have who I need right now. And, I must say, _Doctor_ Isles, I can see why you like her. Such a nice body."

Maura's face flushed with the knowledge of Jane's predicament. "Please don't hurt her." She stuttered.

"Don't worry. If you do everything I say, Jane _might_ get to live." Maura breathed a sigh of relief. "Although, I can't promise I won't do what I want with her first. You know, like you did the night I was cutting up your fiancé."

"Please don't." Maura felt fresh, hot tears make their way down her cheeks. She felt embarrassed. She felt sick. But mostly, she felt exposed, knowing that this man had been watching her, probably since she'd gotten back into town. He knew where she lived, where Jane lived. He knew their every move and they hadn't even noticed.

"That's what your fiancé said when he watched Jane fuck you." Maura's legs gave out and she felt someone catch her though she wasn't sure whom.

_He knew_. In his last moments James knew. Maura wasn't sure how she'd ever live with the guilt now. But even worse, she wouldn't know how to live if Jane didn't. She gulped back a sob. "Please tell me what to do."

"Sit tight." He laughed again. "And enjoy your freedom."

The line went dead and Maura looked up. Korsak was holding her and looked down at her awkwardly. She pushed off of him, trying to stand on her own. "What do I do?"

She wanted him to have the answers. She _needed_ him to have the answers. She tore her eyes away from him and looked over to Frost. The two of them had to have a plan; they had to figure this out.

"_We_ go back to the precinct and we wait for another call." She watched Frost run his hand over the top of his head. That's _not_ what Maura wanted to hear. But logically, it's the only thing they _could_ do, in this situation. They had no leads and they had no idea where Jane could be.

Frost took her arm, much like the way Jane would have, and the three walked back to the precinct in silence.

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><p>Maura's mind was elsewhere and barely registered getting back to the building or taking the elevator to the squad room or sitting down in the chair across from Korsak's desk. She glanced over at Jane's desk, the photos still spread across it. Maura let her mind wander. She wondered if Jane was okay. She wondered what he was doing to her. She wondered if Jane was hurt.<p>

"Did you recognize his voice?" Maura's head snapped over to Korsak.

She shook her head. "No. I'm sorry."

"The phone is a throw away. We wont get anything from it." She was barely listening, a million thoughts running through her mind.

The ringtone caused Maura to jump. She quickly snatched the cell phone from Korsak's desk and answered, hitting the speakerphone.

"Hello?" It was more of a question than a statement. Her palms were clammy.

"Good, you were waiting by the phone." His voice was taunting.

"I need to talk to Jane." She needed to know if Jane was okay. Maura wanted to hear Jane's voice; to give her the strength to do whatever it was that he asked of her.

"No." His tone changed.

"How do I know she's still alive? That you haven't killed her?" She had to know. She couldn't do this without knowing if Jane was still alive.

Maura could hear rustling. "Maur?" Jane's voice sounded scratchy and terrified.

Maura's heart fluttered. "Jane!" She _was _alive.

There was more rustling. "You'll be reunited later. As for now, you need to go down to the boutique on the corner and buy the leopard print dress. It'll go well with the black heels you're wearing today."

Maura looked down at her bare feet and then over to where she had left the heels when she ran after Jane. _How did he know?_ "Ok."

The line went dead and she looked expectantly toward Frost. He shook his head. "The closest we could get was the city of Boston. The call was too short."

"I'm sorry." Maura chastised herself. She should have tried to make him stay on the phone longer. Jane would have. _Jane_. She sounded terrified, not something usual for Jane, which made Maura even more concerned.

"It's okay." Maura couldn't tell if Frost meant it or not but she didn't have time to analyze it as he stood and walked over to the desk.

"We'll take two uniforms with us, undercover." Korsak said quickly, standing.

"Get your shoes." Frost looked at Maura, the light in his eyes had faded.

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><p>Maura looked around, wondering if he was watching her from somewhere inside or outside the boutique. She'd never been to this place before so it took her a few minutes to get her bearings and find the dress section. She ran her fingers over the clothes, needing to feel the stitching for comfort. She loved clothes, they provided her a source of consolation and awe. She loved to spend time looking at the stitching, wondering which machine could have made something so intricate and delicate. Now, the feeling of the clothes calmed her, eased her nerves slightly, helped her breathe and stay focused on the task at hand. Maura made her way through the store, to the back, weaving around carousels of clothing. She spotted the dress, the one he'd chosen for her, in the back, hanging alone on display. She looked around, wondering if there were more, or if anyone would notice if she took the last one.<p>

"Miss?" Maura whirled around to face the tall blonde woman standing next to her. The nametag read _Jessica_.

"Yes?" Beads of sweat were forming around her hairline. She was nervous and unsure of what to say or do. She hadn't expected anyone to talk to her, to ask her what she needed.

"Are you Maura Isles?" The saleswoman looked Maura up and down.

"Yes." Maura was unsure whether she should have given her that much information but she could hear Frost saying "okay" in the ear bud they had given her and she smiled at herself.

"Right this way." The blonde spun around on her heel toward the leopard print dress.

Maura followed, looking behind her shoulder, making sure the undercovers were couldn't help wondering if this woman was in on the plan. If this woman would be the one to take her, deliver her to the unidentified man from the phone. She forced herself to study the woman, her hair, her eyes, her nose, her lips. Just in case she would need to describe her later to a sketch artist or pick her out of a line up. She let her eyes examine the woman, checking for any visible tattoos or scars, anything she would later be able to identify. She imagined the woman was probably Jane's height, taller in the 3-inch heels she was wearing. And given her body structure, was likely around 150 pounds and in her mid-forties. Maura watched the woman grab the exact dress she'd been moving toward minutes earlier before taking it to the register. The blonde said nothing as she removed the hanger and bagged the dress.

"Have a nice day." Jessica smiled at Maura as she handed her the dress.

Maura forced a polite smile back before grabbing the dress and maneuvering her way out of the boutique. She knew the officers would ask Jessica later whether or not she could identify the man who gave her the instructions to give Maura the dress. She knew also that Jessica would likely not have any idea about any of this, and the man had probably called in his request. Of course he would have sent cash over, and there'd be no record of his name or number. And if there were a record, it would be false. Maura stepped outside, into the late-September sun, and sighed. But maybe, it wouldn't be status quo this time. Maybe this time would be different, and the man did come in and Jessica could identify him, and he was someone Maura had known and he did have a name. As Maura pushed her sunglasses onto her face, she was hopeful.

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><p>Maura eyed the faces that were looking at her expectantly as she pulled the dress out of the bag. She held the dress up to examine it; slightly embarrassed that everyone else was staring, waiting for her reaction. Maura looked it over, turning it around. It was a simple dress, though not one that Maura herself would wear. Maybe if she were a hooker. Maura blushed deeper as a thought occurred to her. She'd have to wear this dress, showing it to everyone she worked with. She laid the bag down on the chair next to her before pulling the zipper on the dress down. She searched for a tag or something to give her an indication of the dress's size. <em>Four<em>. Maura closed her eyes, willing her brain to find a solution. She usually bought a size six, due to the size of her chest, and had it tailored to fit the rest of her. She looked up and met Korsak's eyes, he was looking at her expectantly. She glanced around, they all were.

"I'm, uh, going to try this on." Maura turned toward the door and quickly walked out, away from the prying eyes.

In seconds she was entering the bathroom and closing the stall door behind her. She breathed in deep as she stripped, careful to hang her clothes over the door to prevent wrinkles that she'd have to deal with later. Maura held her breath as she tugged the leopard print dress on. It fit easily over her hips and stomach but was snug against her chest. She sighed with relief as she pulled the zipper up the side. She stepped out of the stall, looking around to make sure no one was watching, and walked quickly up to the mirror. Maura tugged at the bottom of the dress, willing it to move down further than mid-thigh. She frowned at her chest, noticeably spilling out of the top of the dress. She let her hands smooth down the front of the material before turning and grabbing her clothes from the bathroom stall door.

She closed her eyes as she opened the bathroom door to the hallway. Maura opened them again as the door swung and hit her back. She used her clothes to cover the front of her as she made her way back toward the squad room.

"Wow, Doc-tor Isles. Damn." Maura whipped her head around toward the call.

It was a young officer who she hadn't had much contact with before. He was wagging his eyebrows at her and smiling. She looked around the hallway, at the other officers who had chosen to remain silent but were still staring, as if she were the grand prize at the State Fair. Her face felt hot and her palms sweaty. Her eyes darted toward the closest door, the stairwell. Maura ducked in, needing a few minutes to compose herself, to give herself a talking to. _Or happy-talk, or whatever it's called_.

She closed the door behind her quickly and rested her forehead on it. Maura closed her eyes and thought of Jane. _What would Jane say_? Maura smiled, even though she was frightened and her hands were shaking. _Jane would say you look beautiful, stunning, ravishing. She'd also say that it didn't matter, because the best part of you is your brain_. If Maura made bets, which she didn't unless she was sure she'd win, she would bet that Jane was the only person who loved her brain. Mostly, she knew, it annoyed people. But not Jane. She knew Jane grumbled and rolled her eyes, but she also knew that, in the privacy of their homes or their cars Jane would tell her how much she loved her brilliant mind.

Maura felt a tear cascading down her cheek. She missed Jane and hoped that she wouldn't fail her, again, not this time. She couldn't, there was no room for error. An error meant Jane would die and Maura could not accept that. Though, as she felt herself being yanked back, and right before the whole world went black, Maura realized that she had just made another colossal error in judgment.

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><p><em>Stultum est timere quod vitare non potes. <em>– Publius Syrus


	17. Hallelujah

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters and I'm not using them for profit, though, after tonight's episode, it sure seems that I do.

**A/N:** You all continue to inspire and astonish me. I love reading everything you write in review and it makes my heart happy to know that you all love this story so much. Thank you for your support, truly! **Spoilers** for "The Beast in Me" (Season 1). I hope you enjoy the next to last chapter!

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><p>When Maura woke again her head was pounding and she could hear her name being called. She shifted, her hip hurt and her legs were cold. She looked around to get her bearings and found herself lying on a cold cement floor.<p>

"Maura." The voice was getting louder and Maura lifted her head. It hurt. She blinked a few times.

Her eyes widened at the sight before her. Jane was sitting crossed legged on a bed at the far end of the room completely clad of everything accept her underwear. Maura unsteadily pushed herself up to a standing position. She teetered on the heels she was still wearing and tugged at the bottom of the dress.

"Jane." Her voice was unsteady and her eyesight blurred as she carefully made her way across the room to the bed.

"Are you ok?" Maura's eyes watered at Jane's concern for her. She loved that Jane could be so concerned about someone else despite her own problems.

She nodded her head and looked down at Jane. Jane's hands were at her sides and when she tried to move them Maura heard a clinking sound. She sat on the edge of the bed, placing her hand on Jane's knee before looking to find Jane's hands.

"Are you okay?" Maura's voice was thick with emotion when she realized Jane had been handcuffed to the headboard. She'd likely been there like that for the last few hours and from the redness and irritation on Jane's wrists, Maura knew it had to hurt.

Jane nodded. "Does anyone know you are here?"

"No, I'm sorry." Maura allowed the tears to spill over and shook her head. "It was stupid of me."

She could feel Jane shift positions but she didn't want to look her in the eyes, she didn't want to see the disappointment she knew would be on Jane's face.

"Maura, you've never done anything stupid in your life." Maura looked up, wanting to correct her and tell her she _had_ done many stupid things in her life but Jane continued. "What happened? How did you end up here too?"

"I don't know." She really didn't. Maura tried to recall the last thing that had happened. "He made me go to the boutique and buy this." Maura gestured to the dress she was still wearing. "And so I went to the bathroom to put it on and when I came out..." Maura paused, embarrassed all over again.

"It's okay." Jane moved her leg to touch Maura's, providing instant comfort.

"They were yelling at me, and whistling. I was embarrassed. So I ducked into the stairwell to give myself a happy talk." She heard Jane chuckle and Maura looked up.

"It's a pep-talk." _Of course_. Maura frowned at herself.

"I don't remember anything else." She shook her head again, still trying to will her brain to remember.

"The last place I remember being is the stairwell too." Maura's head snapped up at Jane's comment.

"That's why when Frankie questioned the other business owners they claimed they didn't see anything." It was Jane's head that chose to snap this time.

"They're letting Frankie work this case?" She sounded angry.

"No, not really." Maura wasn't sure what she should tell Jane. "He demanded to help out, so they let him do some of the questioning. I promise they haven't let him handle anything else. He's a very skilled officer, Jane."

Jane shook her head. "Have they gotten any new leads?"

Maura shook her head, eyes brimming with tears again. She knew the odds of this working out in her favor. With zero leads and multiple dead bodies in such a short period of time, it was not looking good. Possible, yes. Probable, no.

"It's ok, we'll figure something out." Maura nodded and brushed the tears away, thankful that Jane was still hopeful. Maura wasn't.

"Have you seen him?" Maura wanted to know who he was. Maybe then she could figure out what he wanted, at the very least.

"Yeah, but I don't recognize him." Jane let her head drop, her curly brown locks tumbling forward to cover her face.

Maura reached out and brushed a strand away, wanting to see Jane's face. Jane looked up, into Maura's eyes. Maura could tell that the man had done something psychological to her in the short amount of time she had been captive. She wished that she could take it back, make him take her in the first place instead of Jane. She wanted to cover Jane so she wouldn't have to sit there wearing only her underwear. She wanted Jane to know she was sorry. Maura jumped and turned as she heard the lock on the door behind her click.

A man came into the room, closing the door behind him, before turning toward her and Jane. Maura watched him intently, studying his face, trying to determine whether or not she'd seen him before.

"Maura, so nice of you to join us." The man sneered.

Maura turned, trying her best to cover Jane from his line of sight. Jane didn't need to be tortured any longer. "You have me now. Can you let her go?"

"Maura, no." She felt Jane knee her in the back. She lurched slightly forward at the impact before swatting at Jane's leg.

The man laughed. "No. This is perfect."

"What do you want? Why me? What did I do?" Maura was terrified but she wanted answers. She was also angry. If he had really wanted her, then why wouldn't he let Jane go?

The man moved toward them to stand in the middle of the room. "I have what I want. For now. And as for why..."

Maura watched the man walk toward the foot of the bed before turning on a television against the wall that Maura hadn't noticed until that moment. She watched it flicker to life before showing a man, sitting in a chair bound and gagged. She could tell he was trying to yell, straining against his restraints. Maura squinted, trying to figure out who the man was.

"Let me make this easy for you," The man turned back toward them. "That is your father."

Maura looked at the screen carefully. She sucked in a deep breath. Patrick Doyle was definitely still alive. But he was not her father. "No. That man was _never_ my father."

The man smirked at her. "It doesn't really matter how you feel about him. I know how he feels about you. His precious doctor daughter. The only person in this world who he loves."

"But why?" Maura still couldn't seem to connect the dots. Why did it matter if her father loved her? She didn't love him. In fact, she nearly hated him. And she didn't really believe he loved her anyway. After all, how could he let this happen to her if he did?

The man's face changed. "Your father killed my father."

_Of course_. Why did _her _father have to be a murderer? Maura thought about whom her father might have killed in order for_ this _to be the payback.

She didn't have to think long. Jane had already figured it out. "Mikey O'Rourke."

Michael smiled. "She is a smart one."

Maura's head hurt with the realization. He had waited three years for this. And all he had needed was for her to come waltzing back into town. Just like she had done. "Why didn't you just kill him? Why did you wait three years?"

Michael looked back at the television screen. "I wanted him to suffer. The way I suffered. The way my mother suffered."

Maura watched him a minute. "But I'm suffering instead, not him."

Michael turned back and laughed. "No. You are suffering _too_. He is suffering, I assure you." He paused before continuing. "And now it's going to get even worse for him." He chuckled to himself and motioned toward Maura. "It looks nice on you but take it off."

Maura knew he meant the dress and she looked around the room in a panic. She heard the handcuffs rattle next to her before she heard Jane speak. "No!"

He chuckled at Jane. "What's wrong? Don't want to share?" His face changed and he reached behind him, pointing a gun at her. Maura heard her father trying to yell. "Take. It. Off. Now." The words accentuated by bullets being shoved into a chamber.

Maura's hands shook as she stood and reached for the zipper. She sucked in a deep breath before slowly pushing the short dress off her shoulders and down her body. When it hit the floor Maura stepped out of it, crossing her arms around her waist, trying in vain to cover herself. She sat down again on the bed next to Jane, needing to feel her near.

Michael smiled and turned to face the television screen. "Now, your father is going to watch while I rape and kill you."

"No!" Jane's voice was loud and forceful. Maura shivered, terrified. Her eyes filled with tears. She hoped he would kill Jane first, spare her the horror of having to watch Maura go through this. It was always worse for the one left behind.

She watched him turn around. "I don't think you are in a position to be calling the shots, do you Detective?"

Maura could see her father writhing on the screen behind Michael. She knew he was trying to free himself, to save her. She also knew it was improbable. Maura placed a hand on Jane's leg, trying to tell her it was ok, that she could disassociate and then it would all be over.

Michael walked toward them, pulling his shirt off in the process. He reached the bed and stood next to her, his hand reaching out to touch her face. Maura jerked her head away. Jane growled in protest.

And then there was the sound of glass breaking. Maura jumped in surprise and felt Jane flinch next to her and bury her face in her back. She looked up, watching in silence as Michael stumbled. She clutched Jane's leg tighter as Michael fell to the floor, a single bullet hole in his head. She looked to the window beside the bed. The glass was shattered and the once shabby blinds had been completely ruined. She looked at Jane and began brushing glass fragments off her face and out of her hair. Luckily they had been a few feet away from the window so the glass likely wouldn't be embedded in Jane too badly.

Maura jumped again at the sound of the door being kicked open. She turned, grateful when Frost barreled into the room, his gun sweeping the four corners. Frankie was next, his gun pointed directly at Michael. Maura let the tears come. She looked at the television screen and watched as two men began to untangle her father from the ropes that held him to the chair.

"Here." Maura looked up into Frost's focused eyes. He was holding his jacket toward her, not letting himself look anywhere but her face.

Maura nodded at him and took the jacket. She placed it over the front of Jane. The chains rattled as Jane tried to accept it. "We need handcuff keys. Check his pockets."

Maura looked back at Jane, barely registering the coat being placed over her own shoulders or Frankie moving around to the glass-filled side of the bed until Frankie spoke. "You okay Janie?"

Maura watched Jane roll her eyes at the nickname and look over to her brother. "I'm good."

Maura's breath hitched. She knew that was a lie. She pulled the coat tighter around her, still ignoring the commotion around them.

Frankie spoke again. "He didn't hurt you or nothin', did he?"

Jane shook her head and looked back toward Maura, silently begging Maura not to say anything.

Maura finally spoke, pushing through the metaphorical fog. "How did you know where we were?"

"I put a small GPS locator on your dress." It was Frost who answered.

"When?" Maura frowned. Not that she wasn't grateful, but she was surprised she hadn't seen it.

"When we took the dress to make sure there wasn't a GPS locator in it." Frost smiled, obviously finding the idea ironic.

Maura nodded in response. _Lucky_. She watched Korsak hand the handcuff key he'd found in Michael's pocket to Frankie who started on unlocking Jane.

Korsak finally spoke. "We figured that if he snatched Jane without warning, he could do the same to you."

"So you put her in harms way?" Maura looked back to Jane. She was angry. She wanted to tell her it was okay, that it all worked out in the end but Korsak spoke instead.

"No." Korsak moved so the paramedics could reach her and Jane. "We didn't think someone had enough balls to kidnap someone from the precinct."

Jane rolled her eyes at him and tried to maneuver away from the paramedic. "Well, obviously he had enough balls to kidnap _two_ people from the precinct." Maura shot Jane a look and she finally stopped moving long enough for the paramedic to attend to her.

"Well, _now_ his balls will be on _her_ table." Korsak motioned to Maura.

_No_. "Actually, he won't be on _my_ table since this would be a direct conflict of interest." Even in her confused and still terrified state, Maura knew this.

Frankie chuckled at her. "It's great to have you back." Maura watched him stand before he turned again to Jane. "Janie, let them take care of you."

Jane grumbled. "Get out. All of you."

Maura couldn't help but smile at Jane's feisty nature. She watched the paramedic clean Jane's superficial facial abrasions before turning her attention to her own paramedic who was tending to her injuries. He was asking her whether various body parts hurt and whether she knew her name. Maura answered with the part of her brain she kept active for easily recallable information while thinking with the other, analytical part. She thought of the horror and pain and stress that had accompanied the last few weeks she'd been back. She thought of the nights and days she'd spent in the company of Jane. She thought of James. And she thought of her father. Three unique and distinct people who all loved her. Maura thought of her feelings for each of them. Her father had gotten her into this mess by being her father. But, it was also painfully clear that he did love her and it was his _love_ that had gotten her into this mess.

Maura glanced over at Jane and smirked when she found the brunette whining about the care she was receiving. And Maura knew; it was _Jane's _love that got her through it.

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><p>"<em>Well it goes like this:<br>__The forth, the fifth,  
><em>_The minor fall and the major lift;  
><em>_The baffled King composing,  
><em>_Hallelujah."  
><strong>Leonard Cohen, "Hallelujah"<strong> _


	18. Love

**Disclaimer**: If I owned them, I would be a hell of a lot richer.

**A/N:** I have so thoroughly enjoyed this journey with all of you. This is the last chapter because I think it makes sense to stop here, for now, at least. I know it maybe seemed abrupt but if I'm going to continue, there needs to be at least _some_ reason to do so. Thank you all for your wonderful and inspiring comments and for the alerts and favorites. I hope that you all have enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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><p>Maura undid the seatbelt strapping her to the seat of the Boeing 757. They had just landed in Boston and Maura was exhausted from the entire day of travel it took to get back from Washington. She checked her watch. 6:15 pm. That would give her just enough time to get her luggage and a cab home to drop her things off before Jane got off work. <em>Jane<em>. Jane hadn't been far from her mind the entire trip to Washington and now Maura just needed to see her and get the comfort only Jane could provide.

The week had been an exhausting one for Maura. James's funeral had taken a toll on her and seeing his family had been horrible knowing she was responsible for their grief. The service was beautiful though in typical Military fashion. But she refused the flag when it was given to her. She didn't deserve it. Instead Maura put on a brave face and allowed his mother to be presented with it instead. She loved his family and felt honored that they had invited her back to their home afterward. Truthfully they had invited her to stay an entire week with them but she hadn't been able to muster spending that much time around them with all of her guilt. She'd chosen a hotel in town instead.

Her first class seat allowed Maura to be one of the first off the plane as soon as it connected with the gate. She grabbed her purse and followed the lady who had been sitting across the isle out and down the walkway into the airport. Maura blinked at the fluorescent lights and swarm of people waiting to board the plane she had just embarked. She took a left and followed the signs instructing her that baggage check would be downstairs at carousel B for her American Airlines flight from Washington. Maura kept pace with the other passengers from her flight, passing the Starbucks and the small Hudson News store on the right.

Maura wondered briefly what it would be like now at work. Would it be awkward around Korsak and Frost knowing they knew about her and Jane? And what about Jane? Maura wondered whether they would go back to the way things used to be or if something had changed between them for good. Maura looked up ahead. She was nearly passing security now and it wouldn't be much longer until she would be out of the airport and in a cab on her way home. The other thing Maura saw made her do a double take.

Jane was standing there, on the other side of security, waiting for Maura to come past the Do Not Enter signs. Maura beamed, her first real smile in what felt like weeks. Jane was waiting for her. She wanted to run but knew her 3-inch heels would prevent her from being very effective at it. So she picked up her pace, weaving around other passengers until her heels clicked on tile instead of carpet.

Jane was already moving toward her and opening her arms. Maura slid into her warmth, wrapping her own arms tightly around Jane's waist. She breathed in, relishing in the scent of lavender and soap. Maura closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of Jane's head resting on her own and her arms holding her close. She could stay this way forever if the world let her. She could feel Jane suck in air.

I love you, Maur." Jane's voice was soft and strong and sure. And Maura knew. This is what would get her through the pain and the grief and the guilt. _Love._

_Fin_.

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><p><em>"Love wins. Love <span>always<span> wins."_

**Mitch Albom** "Tuesdays with Morrie"

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><p><strong>AN:** Sequel? Yes? No? Let me know your thoughts!


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